Day Ocho! OH!

A song describing my mood:

I am trying to put a positive spin to EVERYthing now. I want to have more positivity in my life so I can get back on track. I did resign up for weight watchers. Buy one month get the second month free? HOLLA! So, I did that and I am restarting tomorrow. So I need to get positivity back into my life and screw the outside that is trying to ruin me. I am my own person so I need to find my strength that is with in me to get back on track and become my own success story. I really, really, want to be a success story. I don’t want to die fat. My body is deterioating at this rate. I am 22 with knee aches, sleep apnea, major winded problems, and having to buy size 24/26. YIKESABEE. It is noooooot normal to be this weight. I am all for fuller women should be on the media but I am not saying get my big ass on the cover on magazines because being this weight will kill you. You will die in like years if you were with me. So I say fuck it. Like there was this whooole big controversy about Gabourey Sibibe being on the cover of Elle and how they only showed her face when the other girls featured were thinner and were shown their whole bodies. Well, knowing me and my size I would only want my head shot. I hate my body and for good reason. It is grotesquely mishapen due to mistreatment. I should not be showcased on Elle for women and girls to see just like stick figure anoerexic girls should not be shown on the cover of elle. I think fuller figured women should, but me and Gabby? No. Not unless she explains in there that I know I am big I think I am beautiful right now but in order to be healthy I have got to lost weight. Not to be 100 pounds but at a healthy weight. I am proud that they are starting to have different sizes on television and movies but I hope Gabourey knows that being that size will kill her shortly. I think she may be about my weight so I know she has got ot have aches. But if Elle was going to have Gabourey on the cover why the hell would they do that to her hair. Eek.

but… wow I just went off on a tangent. This post is supposed to be about a song matching my mood. Okay the Jack Johnson song is absolutely fun, up beat, and something you can just sing to. I feel its like a song saying screw you. Laugh at me. Laugh with me. Whatever I still going to do me and enjoy doing it. That’s how I feel. I am on my path again. I got such a long road ahead of me but with positive affirmations and keeping my vision alive I will definitely get there. I know it. Because I have to live my dream and write a book about this and how I am and show that I can be a success story. I also want to sing on stage soon. I want to get my shit together and write some real songs and get my ass out there. Another song matching my hopeful mood? This one:

I want to do all that she sings in this song except go to Mexico. I want to go to Hawaii or Puerto Rico. But New York and all that? Hell yes! I want to go to Vegas too! Maybe I’ll reach my own level of Vegas some day. I hope so.

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Somebody to love

ONE OF MY FAVORITE SONGS Queen’s Somebody to Love done by glee

There is truly something magical about Glee. It represents every type of person. Especially the big girl belter which is what I love because I am a CFC and seeing a beautiful, talented, larger female in the media makes me smile. Watching this show reminds me a lot of my high school life. I was in chorus, show choir, and musicals so naturally I took a shine to Glee. It’s hilarious and honest. I love it so much.
I was off today so I decided to try out this slow cooker my parents have it’s soo cute look :

In it I have a boneless(skinless) chicken breast with some honey, crushed pineapple, and a little bit of pineapple juice. I am very excited about this venture. As my side dish I am going to have l.f. cous cous. I never had couscous before so I am hoping its yummo. This weekend I had chinese food. I went to the mall for the first time in a month and I went starving( very bad idea) so I had grilled bbq chicken and white rice. I really hope I didn’t eff up my whole week. The thing was I didn’t get a chance to go to the gym this weekend so I am gonna have to go HARDCORE these next four days. I want another 5 pounds lost dammit. I am addicted to seeing these numbers drop. I can’t let my cravings get the best of me. I can’t indulge in that way anymore. Summer is coming and so is the rest of my life. I want to go to an amusement park this summer and actually get on rides. Did you know that my fat ass can’t fit on those rides? I swear most embarrassing day of my life last year trying to get on several rides at six flags. So changes are occurring. I just wish it was presto changeo but that’s not life. It’s all about the struggle and the climb.
On another note, those of you who follow me on twitter know how torn up I was about the leaving of Conan O’brien. I actually used hash tags (which I almost NEVER do unless Johnny Depp related haha) saying Team Coco, Conando, conester, and so on. I love Conan O’brien. One of my top ten celebrity crushes fo sho! He’s funny and an honest to goodness good guy. I absolutely LOATHE Leno, I think he is so not funny, so when I found out he was going to go back to 11:30 and shaft my Conan out of the tonight show I was pissed as were many other people. He chose not to stay with the network so now whatever happens to our beloved Conando is up in the air.
He was such a class act on his last episode too. That speech brought me to tears. go to the 3:12 minute mark to check out his heart warming speech.
*
I whole heartedly agree with the whole stop being cynical thing. We all get that way sometimes and it truly gets us no where. To be a good person is where it’s at. I am going to strive to be a good person. I donated some clothes to charity last year, gave money to haiti this year, and I am going to donate some books to the library too. I wanna try and do what I can to be a better person and no obsess with the negative. It gets us no where. So here’s to positivity. Although I will still totally bitch about rude ass customers because they deserve the hate.
* so nbc, being the dicks they are, took down this lovely you tube vid of my conando. I guess you gotta visit their site to check it out.
p.s. When you leave me a comment? I ALWAYS reply. Well, almost always. So always check back for my replies if you’re curious.

sentimental tune

GUYS I saw New Moon. It was sooo good. A thousand times better than the first one. Very like the book except for little things. I loved the action and Taylor Lautner is one awesome actor for a 17 year old. I really don’t wanna commit statuatory but your boy is FIONE.  That bod. Pfff. Anyways. I need to see it again. ASAP.  So yeah. lol.  I am actually awake in the daytime holla! It’s dreary as eff outside but what can you do?  I bought the soundtrack for the movie as well as the latest Tegan && Sara. I love em both. Great purchases. Argh I need to stop shopping for myself and go hxc christmas shopping. Especially while I have money. I hemmorrage money. I love to spend spend spend! What woman doesn’t?

 

So I need your opinions ladies and gents… There was this guy. We liked each other. Like shit was MUTUAL for once. He liked me. I liked him. It coulda been a beautiful thing. But he has no NERVE. Whenever he texts me hes all It’s great to hear from you. Don’t be a stranger.  Blah Blah Blah. We did hook up that one drunken time. It was pg-13 I swear. But I did like him. It DID happen. But, after that, if he was SOOO interested, why didn’t he call me? Why doesn’t he EVER call me? Why doesn’t he GO for it? If he had asked me to go to the movies, bowling, for a drink, SOMETHING I would’ve went. Hell, I might still go if he ever grows a pair.  My friends say I should ask him out but guys I haven’t physically seen the dude since LAST NEW YEARS.  How riDONKulous is that? Plus, he’s thirty.  Age isn’t really a big deal to me like that.. It’s only eight years, but if you’re that age don’t you think you should have it a little more together when pursuing the fairer sex? It may just be me but I really want to be pursued! I don’t want to be the one going for it. It’s a huge turn off to me that hes like this.  I guess I want the manly man. The one that’ll take me in the dark corner and kiss me for all its worth without waiting for my permission because he KNOWS thats what I want before I really do.  Do you guys think I’m lame? Should I keep trying with the other guy or is it a lost cause?