Always weigh what I’ve got against what I left

Look, before you watch this video… It’s not about me crying out for help. It’s not about me begging for kind words. It is not about e-mailed optimism. Even though I love kind words and optimism. It’s just… A wake up call. I am always brutally honest when it comes to myself. This is just another part that honesty. I warn you it’s seeing me at my worst and it’s not flattering. But as I say at the end of the video this is for ME. For me to have on record before I go off the deep end again how it hurts to feel this way. Why I am doing this in the first place, why I am blogging and my ultimate goal. I don’t even want to post the picture of my weight gain. It’s 2.2 pounds and I am very ashamed of myself.

I pressed stop prematurely but I really didn’t have much else left to say. I haven’t watched it yet. I am going to save it for whenever I feel like eating an extra piece of something thats out of my points range. I think alcohol attributed an ounce or two so I should definitely limit my intake on that next time. I ask you all, after watching that, to just give a little prayer for me. I am not super religious or anything like that but I do believe in kind energy. I could use quite a bit of that as I struggle with my stupid job and this job hunt not to mention my lifestyle changes. So a kind thought or two would be lovely.

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Each morning I wake up I die a little

Man oh Man. Working thirds effs a bitch up. I seriously am not living for anything other than sleep. For those of you who don’t know thirds is the graveyard shift. Working 12-8:30. All I do is sleep and work. Its gross. Right now I’m heading into my second job at the video store for some 5- 11age so a life outside of work for me is IMPOSSIBLE.  Next week I’m doing that ish too. So not kosher. So I’m just giving ya’ll a heads up that posting maybe a problem. I hate doing it on my cell because it takes forty seven years and half the time i’m trying to touch I and it clicks O. Touch screen phones=overrated. Atleast this morning I watched the project runway finale. Lemme tell ya. I wish someone else one. I won’t spoil it if you have seen it yet. Okay, I’m OUTSKI