if you could only see the beast you made of me

These past three weeks have been sicktastic. Really shiteous. I am tired of being sick and not being able to hear. I went to the doctors so I could get something done. It was my second PCP visit in the past three weeks. She looked in my ears and said “wow! they’re blood red.” I was like; “Is that good?” I figured my insides are blood red, ya know? She said “NO! That’s really bad. No wonder you can’t hear.” Ah, sweet validation. I have been “huhing?” and “I’m sorry, what did you say?” for the past 15 days and it has been so annoying. My job is working customer service through the phones. You can imagine how that’s been.
Work was pretty understanding about my illness and how I needed to go to the doctors. It really couldn’t wait. I have been calling the medical assistant at my doctor’s office trying to see if there is anything they could do. The zithromax didn’t do anything, the upper respiratory syrup did nothing, and the prednisone provided no relief. So they said you gotta come in for the doctor to see you. I left work at 12:45 for my 1:30 appointment. My doctor’s office is in Hockession so it’s a little bit out of the way for me but my doctor is pretty awesome. The shitty thing about being sick was the work I had missed. I missed two whole days in May and then a half day today. This time plus the time i’m missing for my tests and things to get cleared for surgery has been such a pain to make up. I am worried my job’s going to get mad at me. Legally, they can’t do anything since the time I am missing for my surgery stuff was preapproved with the supervisor but I hate missing time. I hate for them to think less of me. I am trying to do everything quickly because I want the surgery before my birthday in October. I want to be able to have “eating” down by then and I want this summer to be my last morbidly obese summer. I want to be way healthier next year. I have vacations and weekend getaways in mind. I want to be a better me by being happier with how I feel physically.
On another note I have been really working on my novel. I have been trying to write a little each day. I’m at the part where its hard for me to continue because I am, essentially, Delia so I am trying to think as me in the situations I am putting Delia in and it’s just not clicking together. I want to finish it though. I actually already have 10 pages of the second book the series started it’s just ending this one I am having trouble with. I want to be the next Jennifer Weiner or Sophie Kinsella with chick lit series.I really think it’s possible. The first book will be called What’s the Deal and the second Deal with it. Get it? I want to see my name on the cover of a book on a self at Border’s soooooo bad.

The things that you do You’re my best friend Ooo, you make me live.

She gets me. She totally totally gets me. She understands my whims, my mood swings, my tears, my frustrations, and bursts of epic craziness. She’s my wifey and sister and crime. When I freak out she offers amazing advice. I just fail at taking it but you know what I am going to do now? Follow more on the fuck everyone and do me attitude. Boys= heart ache. Fake friends= drama. I am just getting my ducks in line to get my shit together in the most epic way. My steps to my adult hood and self actualization to feel less less and get my muchness in order. I freaked out in a major way saturday if you read the post before last with the depression and the alcohol and apparently i said and did a lot of fucked up crap. Talking mad ish on myself and what not. It is just funny how I can predict the future though. I future screwage of overage. I sensed it back in high school with my first and only love (whom I have rekindled the friendship key word here is FRIEND) and a girl, whom I was friends with, decided to become a bit closer to me. I was like cool new friend but no the broad was out for blood. For HIM. I was like oh shnap on my wanna be man! The thing of it is me and him were close and I just so happened to be madly in love with him and homegirl and everyone and their mom knew he was my booface even though we so werent dating. But she broke the girl code and hopped on that. I totally sensed it too. I knew it soo hard. He invited me over the house and boom there they were and I KNEW something had just happened. Then your boy made me take her home! Still pisses me off to this day even though I have kinda brushed the sitch off. It’s been years but I am “the kinda kid that can’t let anything go” (f.o.b.) so I remember everything and hold tiny grudges. I should be over it but once betrayed always wounded. So a similar thing recently happened but I was no where near in love with the kid but I did like him an awful lot. It’s just so silly and I shouldn’t care because I don’t even want a relationship right now. Well, I do. But with someone who has their shit together forrealsies. I just hate being lied to and made a fool of. Understandable, correct?
Anywho- back to my bestie. LaTOYA is a true friend. If a person can stand to look at me after being sober and seeing my deplorable behavior Saturday they are a true true true true friend. Her and Tom(her hubby mi hermano) are the kindest people and they truly are my family. I owe them, their parents, and sister a lot. They are just such good people and I love them all so much. Toya and Tom keep me grounded and they have my back always. So this post is a dedication to them because I have been down a little lately I think a lot of it is (TMI) pmsing and being tired plus now sick as shit so it’s just lame. I’ll get better. I made my consultation for my lap band and its in two weeks. And its still for me not to impress any boy, dude, man or guy. DONEZO.

Just sayin’

So last post was pretty hxc but i mean it needed to be said even if it turned out that the boy who initially said it wasn’t the one who tweeted it, it turns out. My friend has since apologized and told me someone else said it in passing and he just tweeted it. So we’re cool. But still someone had said it so it’s a thought it someone’s head that they word vomitted into the world so that just goes to show that there are lots n lots of douchebags and assholes out here in good ol Dellywhere. I just wanted to post this real quick I have to get back to getting the tree all sexylicious and all that mess. I still have this intense sinus infection and i can’t go to the doctors so that sucks but whatevs this too shall pass, right? much love to my readers mwuahs