I want to be the best I can for me, for you, for every man

Ah! It’s December! The end of the year and hope of a greater year to come! This year was pretty rad for me. I got a new job,met some great people, turned 23, and learned a lot about who I am.
I know that I am stubborn. I know that I’ll hate something on principle. And I am quirky as shit. I still feel like a teenager in more ways than one but I also feel like I am at the edge of a cliff and at the bottom is the world waiting for me to jump and go with it. I really wish many things. I wish that I was more comfortable with who I am so I can get to where I am supposed to be. I wish that I had a million dollars. I wish I had a car. I wish I lived alone. I wish that I was singing on the road. I wish I owned an island. I wish I finished my book and it was published. I wish I was famous.
I really wish I was famous.
I know some of these things are childish and impossible but my mother said anything’s possible and the words I CAN’T are dirty. I admit that I am very hard on myself. To the point of becoming a shell of the little girl I was. When I was a baby (and there are tapes to prove it ) that I would rock high heels(legit) and dance and sing my little bum off. I had curls and aspired to be shirley temple. Still got the curls IDK about the whole Shirley Temple thing. ha! Now I am a caricature of what used to be.
When I was in high school I was so goddamn moody. I was soo worried about pissy ass boys that I didn’t TRY hard enough to work on my star power that I had in me. I didn’t work on my voice and now its not good enough. It’s ehh. I think it has the potential to be better. So I am trying not to live in the past but empower myself to bring the spirit I had as a little girl empower me to do better.

Knowing myself this is not some awesome epiphany. I know this shit better than the back of my hand. DOING it… ah that is a whole ‘nother story.

But anyway. Let me blog about my weekend. I saw Burlesque on Friday. I went solo because it was totally last minute and I enjoyed it.
Sparkles! Singing! Lingerie! Cam Gigandet’s Ass!

that’s Cam btw!
It was a huuge win. So what if it was a huuge cliche?! It was a lot of fun and a great escape from the nonesense that is work. ( I like my job but sometimes it is sooo grating)
Saturday I netflixed and then spent the night at my bestest apartment Amber. I hardly see her but she knows I love her. We watched Going the Distance which was an A PLUS in my book. Funny, smart, hot, and awesome. Charlie Day?! You are soo underused.
Christmas Carol with Jim Carrey. I kept falling asleep so I give it a lame and a wtf because it was sooo creepy. I may need to rewatch. Then Get him to the Greek which was RAD. Funny but not as funny as Forgetting Sarah Marshall to me. So yeah. THAT’S THAT. Work in the am.

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throwback fashion

I was looking through my old xanga and just peeking at my spastic blogging skills. I was
such an emo flub dub. I laid wayy too much out there for all the world to see. I think I am a wee bit better now. Well, when it comes to blogging about others. When it’s me, sure, I’ll tell you the juicy dets, but others? Not my place.

(fyi this is the way I used to blog with icons and shit every where. it’s an homage to five years ago haha)
It’s just so funny reading these old posts and I don’t even remember who some of these people are that I mentioned. Am I getting old or were these people really not as important as I thought they were at the time?

LADIES AND GENTLEMAN… IT’S THE LATTER!

I wish my younger brother and sisters and all teenagers could see being stressed over such complete utter bull shit is uneccessary because a year or five after high school you forget most of their names! It’s hilarious and daunting yet awesome.

But my real reason to writing this blog is I have had a subject in my head… It’s about relationships. Yes all I want sometimes is

but, I realize that I have learned a lot from every single relationship I have not participated in.

I am talking about my friends relationship. I realize the formula could be different but the outcomes mostly the same. You get it right and things are cream and roses. You get it wrong and its volatile and people’s hearts hurts.

It’s seeing my friends hurt time and time again from the same formula that makes it hard for me to want to try sometimes. Especially when things move so fast and then everyone is in a load of hurt because they feel trapped.

I never want to feel trapped.

I want what my good friend Brandi has. A true gem of a soulmate. I wish I could skip any awkward I’ll have in the beginning and go right up to the part when everything is perfectly aligned and everything makes sense. But I know the hard parts is the awesome parts. The kind of crap that is fun to discover. I’ll get there someday.
Lol the t-shirt i made for valentines day my senior year. I was a mess…
but back to the relationship thingy. I think my reasons for being so picky with guys is because I am in the age where I want a full on relationship- the good kind. I don’t want to jump into bull shit. I want what I mentioned before. The moon and stars and the sun. I want it. I’ll get it. You know why? Because I am a brat. I wanted to see paramore and tegan and sara? I saw paramore. I wanted a new job? I got that new job. I am a true believer in positive thinking and that secret stuff. I am going to positive think my way into a car and saving money. HEHE.

On other notes. I really need to move out sooner rather than later. Having no personal time when you’re at your place of residence is a bit daunting and annoying. There’s just someone everywhere except for the friggin bathroom. So as soon as I get a vehicle I am getting out. It’s not healthy for an adult to be in their parents house into their adult years. Yes, I can come and go as I please but it’s frustrating when I want to just watch some tv or read a book quietly somewhere I really can’t. One because of space and two because there are two empty rooms but because of the heat and lack of air condtion shit is unbearable. I don’t really like being home. I love being out and about. It’s the whole having to watch whatever everyone else is watching thats killer lame. That and I really want to watch dexter but the wii is now on the upstairs tv and so therefore I can’t especially if my dad’s all home because he gets all stabby when the eff word is being said on tv even though i have heard him say it a bunch of times. That and the random sex scenes can get awkward with poppadukes around. Hence my want of own place. I’ll be able to afford it with a roomate for shure. I wish I could wait a little longer but I think by December if I am not out I may very well lose my mind.

p.s. updated my latest obsession

throwback fashion

I was looking through my old xanga and just peeking at my spastic blogging skills. I was
such an emo flub dub. I laid wayy too much out there for all the world to see. I think I am a wee bit better now. Well, when it comes to blogging about others. When it’s me, sure, I’ll tell you the juicy dets, but others? Not my place.

(fyi this is the way I used to blog with icons and shit every where. it’s an homage to five years ago haha)
It’s just so funny reading these old posts and I don’t even remember who some of these people are that I mentioned. Am I getting old or were these people really not as important as I thought they were at the time?

LADIES AND GENTLEMAN… IT’S THE LATTER!

I wish my younger brother and sisters and all teenagers could see being stressed over such complete utter bull shit is uneccessary because a year or five after high school you forget most of their names! It’s hilarious and daunting yet awesome.

But my real reason to writing this blog is I have had a subject in my head… It’s about relationships. Yes all I want sometimes is

but, I realize that I have learned a lot from every single relationship I have not participated in.

I am talking about my friends relationship. I realize the formula could be different but the outcomes mostly the same. You get it right and things are cream and roses. You get it wrong and its volatile and people’s hearts hurts.

It’s seeing my friends hurt time and time again from the same formula that makes it hard for me to want to try sometimes. Especially when things move so fast and then everyone is in a load of hurt because they feel trapped.

I never want to feel trapped.

I want what my good friend Brandi has. A true gem of a soulmate. I wish I could skip any awkward I’ll have in the beginning and go right up to the part when everything is perfectly aligned and everything makes sense. But I know the hard parts is the awesome parts. The kind of crap that is fun to discover. I’ll get there someday.
Lol the t-shirt i made for valentines day my senior year. I was a mess…
but back to the relationship thingy. I think my reasons for being so picky with guys is because I am in the age where I want a full on relationship- the good kind. I don’t want to jump into bull shit. I want what I mentioned before. The moon and stars and the sun. I want it. I’ll get it. You know why? Because I am a brat. I wanted to see paramore and tegan and sara? I saw paramore. I wanted a new job? I got that new job. I am a true believer in positive thinking and that secret stuff. I am going to positive think my way into a car and saving money. HEHE.

On other notes. I really need to move out sooner rather than later. Having no personal time when you’re at your place of residence is a bit daunting and annoying. There’s just someone everywhere except for the friggin bathroom. So as soon as I get a vehicle I am getting out. It’s not healthy for an adult to be in their parents house into their adult years. Yes, I can come and go as I please but it’s frustrating when I want to just watch some tv or read a book quietly somewhere I really can’t. One because of space and two because there are two empty rooms but because of the heat and lack of air condtion shit is unbearable. I don’t really like being home. I love being out and about. It’s the whole having to watch whatever everyone else is watching thats killer lame. That and I really want to watch dexter but the wii is now on the upstairs tv and so therefore I can’t especially if my dad’s all home because he gets all stabby when the eff word is being said on tv even though i have heard him say it a bunch of times. That and the random sex scenes can get awkward with poppadukes around. Hence my want of own place. I’ll be able to afford it with a roomate for shure. I wish I could wait a little longer but I think by December if I am not out I may very well lose my mind.

p.s. updated my latest obsession