would u still love me tomorrow?

What is more disgusting is people who have no empathy at all for others, and others situations. People who judge others based on appearance…that is disgusting.

Regardless of whether you weigh 832lbs, or 32. You are a human being. Obese people, thin people, mildly overweight people…are PEOPLE..human beings, so yes, we all deserve to be treated as such. We all deserve to be treated EQUALLY..regardless of weight.

You know what? I am a Heroin addict. I got myself in that situation, but youre damn fucking right I believe I should be treated equal and should not be looked down on for getting myself into a fucked up situation. Why? Because we are all human beings, imperfect human beings. We are all living under the same sky..just trying to fucking make it…

I hate that some people are too stupid to see that.

I just really wanted people to read that. Leslie is so right. Fat people aren’t fat because we’re greedy at least not all of them. I am not a greedy person I am a very giving person. I care so much sometimes I break down because of all the wrong in the world I can’t fix. I try my best here and there to do what I can. My indulgence since I was a child was food. I am addicted to the happiness food gives me. Just like people are addicted to other things such as drug,sex, or money. Today some other debate went down that doesn’t have anything to do with weight but it brought me back to this. That and certain memories that have been haunting me lately. All involving people calling me a fat bitch. I am fat and I can be a bitch but do not use those words together to try and bring me down. That insult is not yours. It is MINE. I wish people could have more empathy for a girl that has been dealing with underlying problems with the comforts of food. Everyone likes food and some people have a slower metabolism as others. If I ate fast food every other day I would be 500 pounds instead of the 362 I am right now. Some of my friends who are 100 pounds eat fast food twice a day every day. Everyone’s different. Behind every fat person is some other reason that got them to that point. I am at my breaking point. I am DONE gaining.
I just wish people wouldn’t judge me right now as I’m losing. Like no one wanted to sit next to me on the bus because of my weight. I don’t smell and my belly fat won’t touch you I swear. I want to be treated equal. I want to be treated as a person not a blob. I know what I am and the scornful looks are not helpful. They do not fuel me to go to the gym. I am doing this for ME. I am doing this because I WANT to live older than 40. I don’t want to develop diabetes. I want to get rid of my sleep apnea. I want to be able to pay less than 50 bucks for a regular pair of jeans. I want to be able to find knee high boots in a store not at a widecalve.com website.
Like leslie said, we’re just human beings trying to make it. Do not scorn me because I am not your size. I’m hoping I amount to more than just this fucking blog, ya know? I hope to do so many things. Ride on airplane with out getting the extending belt. This I posted on my status on fb:

I really hope everyone is starting to better themselves in 2010. Whether it be your health or your mindset. Look at haiti we’re only on this earth for so long and we should do our best to spread love and not hate, prejudice, or ignorance. We should be open, honest, and unafraid, but also respectful and mindful of others

Be kinder to the larger set. The “big bertha” sitting alone on the bus, at the restaurant or working at the uscans at a supermarket. Oh yes. I’ve been called big bertha. I just wanna be less angry. I am always wishing death upon these people and that just makes for bad juju for me. I believe in karma and I should let that be the one to get these awful, mean spirited, and selfish people. Maybe it’s just in Delaware. Maybe I really do need to leave this state.

don’t rain on my parade

So it is my last night/morning of work at this goshforsaken hotel/motel and I stumbled upon hilarity. Dontevenreply.com. For those of you who don’t know it’s about an asshole writing e-mails in response to ads that just sound RiDONKulous. One ad was like ‘ does anyone of the shingles or chicken pox so we can meet and expose them to my children?’ Needless to say he does an awesome asshole thing with this crazy broad. As I sit here, drunk on Diet Arizona Lemon Tea, I am watching all the people come in and out of this hotel. Now mind you guys it is 6:30 in the morning so the quality of people is very strange. They are mostly construction workers hacking many o’ lungs.  One big pet peeve: lung hackage. Some are friendly but most are douchers with nothing better to do than fuck with the girl behind the counter.  So,anyway, I’m waiting for seven a.m. so I can have breakfast with my square. Yes, it’s probably going to be an array of unhealthy things such as pancakes and butter but damn it you can’t just quit cold turkey and it is a celebration of my last day at this place. I’m gonna ween off the hard stuff like Wendy’s and Mickey D’s for breakfast, I swear. I have all you bloggers to keep up with my journey. I am telling you I am going to Vegas early next year and there is no FUCKING way I am spending extra money for an extra ticket to cover my fat ass. Ever seen the movie Why Did I Get Married? Yeah, they made the lady pay for an extra seat due to her weight. No. Nah uh. I WILL not be that heifer. That is sooo degrading. So let me enjoy my fatty fat last breakfast and then I’ll crack down with salads, small portions, and broiled chicken and all that mess.