A smile’s not a smile if you fake it

Before reading this post take less than four minutes to watch this:

Amazing, yes? That’s Katie Dill. She’s a local artist here in Delaware. She’s part of the group Mean Lady and Diego Paulo. I love how effortless her voice is. I am jamming to her for this post because I wanted to discuss music this post!

This week is full of yes! Tomorrow my mom and I are going to see the Goo Goo Dolls at the Opera house in Wilmington ( I didn’t even know such a place existed) and Friday all of my sisters and I are going to see MIGUEL at the University of Delaware.Don’t know Miguel? Here’s my favorite song of his:

oh and this one:

I like some freaky music sometimes haha.
I love all kinds of music (not so much country or screaming) but I love it most live. I am so excited to take my baby sisters to the Miguel concert because it will be their first concert. My first concert was the Backstreet Boys at 12. They’ll have a better my first concert story (although they did go to Live 8 when they were younger. I don’t count this because we were a million miles away.)My first REAL concert/show was the Starting Line at Kahunaville in Wilimington. I was just sixteen and it was FANTASTIC. Oh the good old days of fighting two broads for a drumstick then getting it signed from Kenny the front man! Quickly after the Starting Line I saw Fall Out Boy.I think you’ve all heard my black eye story from that show. I think everyone needs to experience live music whether it be local or main stream. Theres a really good local music scene here in Delaware believe it or not .But my favorite lately is Mean Lady. Most importantly Katie Dill as the video showed you above she’s a tremendous talent. I think it’s so important to see some live music however you can. Peep your local music scene and take in the bars or open mic nights. When I was in high school I was into “Emo” music. I still like them for what they helped me with in high school. Fall Out Boy is still a favorite of mine because I think their lyrics were awesome as hell and Patrick Stump can sing his little ass off. I’ve totally mentioned this before.

sell me out – the joke’s on you
we are salt – you are the wound
empty another bottle
and let me tear you to pieces
this is me wishing you
into the worst situations
I’m the kind of kid
that can’t let anything go
but you wouldn’t know a good thing
if it came up and slit your throat

I was a pretty Emo teen. A pretty emo adult. πŸ™‚ I think because of my emotional blahs I fell into real love with The Beatles. My romance starved heart fell heavy for “I wanna hold your hand” and “Eight Days A Week.” I’m basically a pop/rock/indie girl.
An idea of my weirdness of musical tastes here are my pandora radio stations:
Amy Winehouse
Every Avenue
Fall Out Boy
Florence +The Machine
Foo Fighters
Foster The People
Good Vibrations (as in Mark Wahlberg hmm, kay?)
Jimmy Eat World
Nikki and Rich
Nikki Minaj
Paper Bag (Fiona Apple)
Patrick Stump
Pop Champagne
Sweet Disposition (temper trap)
Swing Life Away (Rise Against)
Tegan And Sara
The Beatles
The Goo Goo Dolls
The XX
Tony Dize (for some latin flavor)
V.V. Brown
Vampire Weekend

Some artists are unnecessary since they pop up on aforementioned stations already but I made a station for them anyway. I do like other artists of course but like I said they pop up so often on the other listed stations I don’t feel a need to make a station for them like death cab for cutie or even Dave Mathews. It just pops up. I just love love LOVE music. Some of my music is hated (fall out boy, panic!, goo goo dolls…) but I really like music I can relate to. Yes, I can relate to Sexy and I know it haha! “I work out!” lol In all seriousness check out Katie Dill/Mean Lady on youtube she’s awesome.
Another one of my long posts πŸ™‚

big hype, big let down

I’m a bitchy Phillies fan right now. We had a great season but, DAMN, did we blow it this last game.
That’s off my chest.
On to just ponderous thoughts:
Does the universe really make you suffer because something better will be coming along?
Why do some people take what they have for granted? Do they think of others?

Had to get that out there.


I am in love with Patrick Stumps vocal chords. The produce the most ahmazing sound. I miss Fall Out Boy but I’m hella glad that Patrick Stump is doing shit on his own.

peep it. He is sooo faboosh man. I remember seeing Fall out Boy live iwas like 16/17 and that show I was fully elbowed in the eye in this random ass mosh pit Midtown had going on during their set. I swear I loved meeting Gabe Saporta but I should’ve paid the 20 bucks to buy the cd and meet Fall Out Boy. I still rue the day I didn’t do that. It was a very foolish mistake. They would have probably loved my black eye. I am so annoyed today so they only cure is this nostalgic road i’m going down listening to “Oh, Nostalgia.”
I don’t know why i’m going so crey crey lately.
“depression is a little bit like happy hour, right? It’s always gotta be happening somewhere on any given night.”
Just certain bouts of these tears.
I’m not happy. I am happy I am on the road to recovery. I am happy I have a job when so many people are out of a job. I am unhappy that I have to settle for jobs that aren’t right for me just because I have to have a job.
I am unhappy I haven’t gone to school to get a degree in something so i can do what I love.
I am unhappy that money rules the mother fucking world.
I want to be able to write my book in peace. I want to get better and sing in a legit tour or something. I want to not listen to people cuss me out.
I’d really like it if I didn’t have to listen to really shitty attitudes 40 hours a week.
My pops is all no one likes their job.
Why is that? That should not be allowed. I am seriously going to spend a lot of my time working and I do not want to do that hating my job. I do not want to resent the alarm clock because I HAVE to work at a place where people have piss poor attitudes when you’re trying to help them.
SO RANTY. I just get annoyed when people are all “i’m going to die because YOU won’t authorize this.” Um. I do not have the power to authorize shit except you can take your husband to the doctors on the transportation we cover.
That is it. I don’t like people talking to me like trash. I don’t want that to be a part of my life. So after this surgery I am going to explore other options. Schooling for one definitely. I need to have job security and I have it here. I need money I get it here. Maybe I should just suck it up and be unhappy for the sake of a pay check?
I guess thats how everyone else lives.

Every word’s a new regret if you say it right, right?

I have had this sinus infection/ ear infection p.o.s. for the past week and a half. It sucks. The latest symptom? Both of my ears are so full of liquid I can barely hear anything. The medication i’m on makes me sleepy and I swear it has gotten my ears worse. They’re starting to bubble which is weird. The worst part of me being sick is the fact I can’t sing. I love to sing. I love to sing in the shower. I love to sing at my cubicle to calm me down after I’ve had a tough call. I love to sing. My secret desire? To be doing my random singing bit and a stranger walks by me and they’re all like “Miss! We need you to be a back up singer for Michelle Branch/Adele/Pink asap!” and i’m all deuces to my desk job and following my dream. ; ) Oh to dream. I am one of those impatient fools. I am one of those fools that believes that my life is slipping away and I’m wasting it by being sick. Another weekend wasted sleeping? Gah! No fun! I feel like crying right now and I’m not sure why. If you’ve read my posts before you know I am brutally honest about how I am feeling so don’t be surprised when I come out with those ninja like crying comments. This post is just to keep me sane as all of my brother and sisters go out to something we have around here called Newark night. It’s on this cute little street called Main street that has a bunch of local businesses. They close it down to cars so it’s just pedestrians. There are usually specials and junk. I have never been so I couldn’t tell you much else. But where was I with this?
Oh yeah, I wanted to get out. I am not a homebody. I live at home with my parents and four brother and sisters. I share a bedroom at 23 years old. Shit is not ideal. Maybe if I had my own place I would be all about being home. I am an extrovert by nature anyway. I don’t think i’d be in love with the idea of just staying home. I’d be afraid i’m missing something. So I’ve been trying to work on my novel and I think it’s just a hot mess. Maybe because I haven’t kissed someone (sober) in a long time that I can’t remember what it’s like? To be skin to skin? To describe it eloquently is failing me. They say write what you know and I don’t know that. It’s been so long. I know the feeling of lust I guess. I am going to try because I want to finish it before my surgery. It’s only like 39 pages in word right now so it’s hardly a book but i’m working on it. Until later..

Every wound can be forgotten in the right light

I am in love with Patrick Stump’s EP. Especially Spotlight (oh nostalgia). I tweeted him and he tweeted me back this:

he dmed me that. Isn’t that lovely? At the fall out boy concert was the first time I moshed by accident and got a lovely black eye so I’ve seen him in person and he oozes awesome.
So I wanted to share my fangirlness with you all today. That and Chloe G Moretz from Kick Ass tweeted me too. It’s the little things mmkay?

Recap on the week:
Last friday was the Weezer/Panic show. It was… so good. I’d show you pictures but all I have are really bad ones. But if you go here you’ll be able to see all of the pictures. It was really awesome. Any time its a twofer (two awesome bands playing) it’s a great show. What sucked was it rained a little while we were there and I think thats how I got sick. Since Saturday I’ve been a sniveling mess. I could barely breathe last night. My throat is super swollen and my ears are killing me. So I’ve been suffering with that all week.
Tomorrow I start “life skills.” Which is group for members getting bariatric surgery. I don’t know what to expect. l have to go to three of these sessions. One tomorrow, June 22nd, and July 22nd. I have various appointments in between for the pulmonologists, the cardiologist, and psychiatrist. Plus group for “dealing” at night time. I am going to be so informed my heads gonna ooze info. That’s good though. I’ll know what to expect. I’m gonna watch more grey’s now.
K bye.