I need the city to remind me there is life out there surviving

Recently, I have gotten lots of questions about the gastric sleeve. The recovery and everything like that. I gotta say I think I have had it easy. The worst was the first two days in the hospital with the air travelling all over my body. They said walking would help that so walking I did. For the past three weeks I have pushed myself to do some kind of exercise for forty minutes a day to keep active. I am able to do that, I THINK, because I take my b 12 1000 in the day time. Otherwise, from lack of carbs and sugars, I’d be donezo. [Insert awesome Aziz from parks and recreation donezo dialogue here] I still have my bouts of just being tired and that hits me around 4 pm. I still go on but I can’t really go gung ho exercise like I do before that. I haven’t had any real pain after the first few days of surgery. Worst part was that drain and I describe the ick of that here. It’s been a good month of just being away from work. I honestly have no desire to go back but I need to make da money to start my new chapter in life. I want to go back to school. Focus on creative writing and get my grammar in check. I totes mcgotes know my posts are not the model citizens of grammatically correct. I want to finish my book (series.) I want to meet someone awesome significant other style. I want to fix my credit. I want to get my Spanish on its A game. I’m going to be 24 in a week. I am a young senorita and I got a lot of living to do. As I keep on going through this journey I think I will truly know myself and be totally happy with myself. What’s funny is I may actually lose 50 pounds this month. I haven’t weighed myself since my appointment on the 15th, but two weeks after surgery I was 26 pounds down. Who’s to say two weeks after that I’d lose another 26? I am working hard and I feel great. I am starting to feel really good about myself because the weight is continually going down. I feel it in my clothes. What made me LOL my sister said my boobs look bigger. I feel as though they’re the first that are going but maybe the rest of me is getting smaller?
Well, tomorrow I hunt for a new dresser since Hurricane Irene beat up my other one with water damage through the window. Ta-ta

it’s all about the here and now so lets get what we can

I am scared. It is normal right? As I approach the surgery I keep having butterflies randomly flutter in my stomach. I know this is what I need to get healthy. I know I want this so bad. I want to have this amazing life I deserve to have. I am so over wearing ugly shoes. I am so done getting winded after going up stairs.
So done.I am just afraid. I really just don’t want to go through all this and die on the table. Or worse; become a vegetable. Its normal to have these fears before surgery right?
I am just spent from my weekend in NYC. Oh, how I love that city. I went to the Empire State Building at night time and walked up six flights of stairs. Yeah, about died.
Well, I just wanted to quickly post how i am feeling very anxious and scared and nervous. I don’t want to miss out on love. I think dying without ever being in love and loved back is the scariest part.

it’s all about there here and now so lets get what we can

I have been a naughty blogger. I’LL ADMIT IT OKAY JEESH. It’s just been a whirlwind summer. A whirlwind July all preparation for the big day that is now just 30 days away. Yesterday was a mile marker for me: the last day of alcohol and I didn’t drink. I drank Friday night (and had a ball) and I drank all by myself in a hotel room Saturday night.I walked the streets of Philly after in a hungry rage wanting nothing but pizza. More on that in a minute. I don’t think I am going to be thirsting for alcohol though. I have been drinking socially since I was sixteen. Bad shit can happen when you drink. I’m a testament for that. The surgery manual (yes, there is a manual) states that a month prior to surgery you have to stop drinking alcohol and post op they STRONGLY recommend you abstain because of how small your pouch is and how quickly the liquor can go to your liver. Plus the empty calories. So say hello to your newest D.D. I will serve you well by looking and feeling fabulous taking your drunk asses home. I may get a pang of missing that LOOSE feeling of being drunk but I think i’ll be happier with myself I won’t need it. There is also that thing where if you can’t have something you always want it bad. Let’s just cross our fingers and hope I’ll have will power.
So off to lighter things that are so awesome:

He is from Australia! Me and Brandy have been hanging out with him. He came to hang with us and see America. He has never been! He came last Tuesday and its been oodles of fun. On Friday we all went out (where I had a ball and danced fo sho) and then Saturday I showed him Philly like a tour guide haha and then he and Bran went to the Britney concert where I got drunk in the hotel room. I didn’t mean to. I just wanted a good buzz because we were going to go to the club after the show. Understandably so they were tired after all the walking and of course the concert. I was a bit bitchy due to my haze and hunger. So I walked around Walnut and 13th street. Midtown. It was nice actually. No one fucked with me. Maybe because I looked pleasant and large. I looked nice too so whatevs. I was in the hunt of some pizza because I figured that’d be the only thing open at almost midnight. I found a fabulous pizza shop past Sweetendings (which had orgasmic frozen yogurt) on 13th and had a pizza with macaroni and cheese on top. The beast was fed. So that cheap rum Saturday was the last bit of liquor I should be having for quite some time. I except I’ll have a smidge of liquour at like a wedding or something but that is it. My birthday is October 3rd I won’t be drinking or eating birthday cake. I’m okay with that. Truly I am. I may bitch about it closer but I think I’ll be alright. I’m honestly trying to score Adele tickets at the Borgata so if anyone wants to buy them for my birthday I WILL WORSHIP YOU.
There is also this matter of doing this OPTIFAST diet for two weeks before surgery. I am frightened by this mostly liquid diet. I am fearful I will be a raging bitch for those two weeks. I have scheduled a trip to an amusement park and a day in Manhattan on those days. Do you know the delicacies those places hold? I will try and be strong. Until next time guys…