She gets me. She totally totally gets me. She understands my whims, my mood swings, my tears, my frustrations, and bursts of epic craziness. She’s my wifey and sister and crime. When I freak out she offers amazing advice. I just fail at taking it but you know what I am going to do now? Follow more on the fuck everyone and do me attitude. Boys= heart ache. Fake friends= drama. I am just getting my ducks in line to get my shit together in the most epic way. My steps to my adult hood and self actualization to feel less less and get my muchness in order. I freaked out in a major way saturday if you read the post before last with the depression and the alcohol and apparently i said and did a lot of fucked up crap. Talking mad ish on myself and what not. It is just funny how I can predict the future though. I future screwage of overage. I sensed it back in high school with my first and only love (whom I have rekindled the friendship key word here is FRIEND) and a girl, whom I was friends with, decided to become a bit closer to me. I was like cool new friend but no the broad was out for blood. For HIM. I was like oh shnap on my wanna be man! The thing of it is me and him were close and I just so happened to be madly in love with him and homegirl and everyone and their mom knew he was my booface even though we so werent dating. But she broke the girl code and hopped on that. I totally sensed it too. I knew it soo hard. He invited me over the house and boom there they were and I KNEW something had just happened. Then your boy made me take her home! Still pisses me off to this day even though I have kinda brushed the sitch off. It’s been years but I am “the kinda kid that can’t let anything go” (f.o.b.) so I remember everything and hold tiny grudges. I should be over it but once betrayed always wounded. So a similar thing recently happened but I was no where near in love with the kid but I did like him an awful lot. It’s just so silly and I shouldn’t care because I don’t even want a relationship right now. Well, I do. But with someone who has their shit together forrealsies. I just hate being lied to and made a fool of. Understandable, correct?
Anywho- back to my bestie. LaTOYA is a true friend. If a person can stand to look at me after being sober and seeing my deplorable behavior Saturday they are a true true true true friend. Her and Tom(her hubby mi hermano) are the kindest people and they truly are my family. I owe them, their parents, and sister a lot. They are just such good people and I love them all so much. Toya and Tom keep me grounded and they have my back always. So this post is a dedication to them because I have been down a little lately I think a lot of it is (TMI) pmsing and being tired plus now sick as shit so it’s just lame. I’ll get better. I made my consultation for my lap band and its in two weeks. And its still for me not to impress any boy, dude, man or guy. DONEZO.
so. YEAHHHHH! I am at a loss. I effed up pretty badly. While I was in Florida I consumed all of the delecacies checkers, bojangles, Krystal (because HELLLOOO IT HAS MY NAME!)and I had a sandwich at panera. The other places we don’t have in Delaware so I had to go all out. Well, I didn’t have to but I wanted to and I did it. I guess the walking I did really helped a lot. Plus, I had regular servings of rice and beans which is fiber goodness. I loved being down there with my family. My cousins are amazing. I love them so much. My aunts and uncles rock. I now have red hair and its smexi! I am feeling really good despite the amount of debt I am in, the job I am losing, and being back in Delaware. I am applying in Florida forreally reals. I am determined to get out! I just have to figure out a way to save some dinero and get a car . I need that and I am not making any money. Gah it sucks but it’s all gravy baby. Something will come along. I wrote a hatefulISH message on the facebook of my ex school :
I am starting to feel more than EVER that going to this school was a big waste of time, money, and energy. I have been out of school since November and I am in desperate need of a new job. I have applied everywhere from Florida to the Delaware Valley and I am at a loss at how many rejection letters I have received. I have no criminal background so it’s not like that is holding me back. The job placement assistance just gives you whats on the website, suggests career builder and other websites, and a looky loo at your resume. I am sad. I am disappointed.
BECAUSE I AM SPITTING MAD ABOUT THIS SHIT. 11,000 DOLLARS AND I HAVE NOT FOUND A JOB?!?!?! THE ASSISTANCE IS MEDIOCRE. JOB PLACEMENT MY ASS! .
My mad shit of the day. The guy wants to talk to me tomorrow but I am sorry I have to work. I have to make money where I can for now! I don’t have time to deal with false promises. What are they going to say thats any different from when I spoke to them before? Sigh. I am outski. I had a vlog all set on my cellular device but I can’t find the usb cord sadly. Alright boogerfaces love ya.
Enjoy your st patty’s day and be safe. I decided to be festive by having a flogging molly quote as my subject. In case ya’ll didn’t know I always put who the quote is by on the tags.
Just a quick update. I am in Florida for the next week or so. I had a death in the family. My aunts husband, my uncle, died of a heart attack at just 40 years old. So I am down here with my mom helping her help my aunt pick up the pieces and to attend the memorial service.
It;s great being down here seeing my WHOLE extended family. Even my great aunt! It’s awesome to exchange hugs, kisses on the cheeks, to play with my little cousins, and to just be together. It’s just a terrible and emotional time. Money is real tight. It’s kinda severely fucked up. There was even this whole big thing with our alternator going on our way down here. At least we made it to Florida. A little poorer but we are here. I even hope to see a friend on my way back because we pass through her state.
I just got back from seeing Alice in Wonderland. I didn’t see it in 3-d which was disappointing but it was still awesome. Alice fans will love it. It’s a different movie completely from the first one but I really liked it a lot. I didn’t have to pay either which was awesome so thanks Uncle Jerry and Titi Mari. Titi is a term of endearment for your aunt. I hate tia and tio ugly words lol. Well, thats all that. I wanna get off because I am tired and I wanna say good night to my family. Until Later…
Working overnight makes me just want to sleep at all hours of the day. Never to wake up except for work. I think its more my family getting on my fucking nerves. Whether it be my brothers and sisters screaming at each other over so lame bull shit or my fathers constant tirades on President Obama’s socialist plans. It’s like why would I want to be awake for this? It’s not like I have a means of escape. I have no car. The only way I use the car is for work when I work overnight because there’s no insurance for a wreck like me. I want to shut my eyes to all this and fast forward through the hard parts… just to make it to the other side alright. Will I make it alright? I haven’t done SHIT to diet. I have no will. I want to. I look down at my body and cringe but I can’t find the strength through the exhaustion. Back to the wills again. I have none. I am losing it. I am not a friendly face anymore. I am a cringe worthy suck fest.