You need me, man, I don’t need you

One should not write in anger. I’m not really angry as much as I am annoyed. I just want to yell REALLY?! In the worst way possible. That kinda deal. Should one write in annoyance? I am going to. You know why? Because shit needs to be ADDRESSED. As a fucking PSA. I thought this dude was sweet. I thought he was unassuming. Thought he was just mad shy. Lies. Lies I tell you. Misconception to the nth degree or maybe he just assumed I was easy. Maybe it’s the edenfantasys plugs I do every now and then? My size? The fact that I can shake my ass on the dance floor?

(&& sometimes i’m not a classy girl and I do kiss in bars )

but I don’t go home with anyone and sometimes they’re Irish so you just go with it.

The odd ways I’m requested for sex just wins all the awards when it’s randomly messaged to you on a facebook message. Really random. Especially when you’ve hung out ONCE and none of the aforementioned possible easy misconception occurred. No, kid didn’t even get a damn KISS. I know sex crosses everyone’s mind like a whole bunch of times but what the hell? Did this kid think I would be wooed by his grammatically incorrect message? An apology immediately followed me response of um, no. I had to school him about the fact we weren’t on any kind of level for this to be messaged. I basically said you don’t message people this. I didn’t even follow with ASSHOLE like I wanted to. He response? The ever mature, what ever. Sir, whatever is one word. Don’t get it twisted. I thought i’d give this nice boy a chance when there was all these flags but really I’m happily single at this point if this is the nonsense expected to go down in “dating.” Dating is sooo loosely used here.
I’m a nice girl. I’m a kind girl. I feel like I’m a pretty girl. I feel it most of the time, anyway. Do I need to blare No Scrubs on the reg for things to get better dude wise? I really am not even looking anymore. I took my dating profile down now. There was this dude who was really trying to take me out but he was hitting up stalker status asking me where I worked so he could visit me. Um, no? I appreciate the pursuit (like it is super flattering) but this is my place of occupation. Upon meeting me once, at a strange time at the beach, do not ask where a girl works to stalk her at the mall. Please don’t ever do this guys. It’s not cute it is stalker status. I think it annoyed him that I wouldn’t tell him so he told me to google him. Ay yi yi. Be careful what you wish for huh? Meanwhile the guy I DO like doesn’t seem to be on that level 😦 . I need a rule book for dating. I swear. My two rules so far are these:
DON’T ask to screw via facebook message
DON’T ask a girl where she works so you can visit her place of occupation as she works when you live forty five minutes away.

Is the second rule too harsh? I’m not giving the whole story here. There were many texts (that were bordering super persistent and annoying) the proceeded that text. It’s so beautiful out but these mosquitoes are biting my ankles! Until later…

all I want is the taste that your lips allow

To desire. To want. It is ridiculous. I want so many things at once. I was deprived for so long I feel like I am playing catch up. I don’t want to ruin everything when I have been getting so much better. I AM so much better. I just still have a ways to go. I am impatient. I want it all now and I am going to want more tomorrow. My birthday is a month away. I feel like I am mentally at a crossroads. I have to start focusing. I sometimes feel like I have a particular type of ADD. I just can’t stabilize.

i’m cold as the wind blows so hold me in your arms

I am an unfortunate romantic. I say this because I perpetually have romance in the mind but nothing has happened. I have started a profile on a dating website that will remain nameless because I am desperate for newness. I feel like I have exhausted my immediate options and that is all I have left. Nothing really has come out of it. Some guys say they’re interested but I’m scared to meet them. For one, it’s the internet, for two my weight. I do have a picture that shows all of me but it’s a really good picture. What if they see me in person and it’s just like EW peace out? I don’t know if I can take that kind of rejection. It’s so… severe. I have had lots and lots and LOTS of rejection. I say I’m used to it but I never will be. That’s what sucks.
another note…
I’ve recently discovered Ed Sheeran and his lyrics of love have driven me to tears on several occasions. Why are men allowed to be revered for having such intense feelings but if I wrote music like that (or really just SHOWN people what I’ve ALREADY written) people would judge me as crazy? Is a woman not allowed to have feelings? Really we’re just allowed to have them but we can’t express it because we’ll be labeled psycho. Being a woman is hard man.