Sometimes. Sometimes you just get the urge to wrap your arms around a warm body. For me there is never anyone there. I wish some people were more thankful for who they have. Who they have to call their own. I hate Valentines Day season. I know it’s a bull shit holiday but when you’re perpetually single it is just another stab in your single heart. I have plenty of shit going for me but I get those sensations where I just want to scream my head off. I internalize a lot yet I internalize nothing. I go out alone a lot. I love going to the movies alone or going to Panera to sip on soup and read a book. I’m good at being alone. Maybe i’ll be good at it for the rest of my life.
Ah pessimism go away!
Is it really because I didn’t get to exercise this week i’m feeling this way? I’m hoping to have my stomach less asshole like on Sunday because I need to Zumba or something. I have been down! I went for a walk today and that was all good and well but it didn’t pump my adrenaline.
On a positive note: work didn’t suck today. I’m hoping it stops sucking for now on. I’ll work hard on not allowing it to.
So, in feeling all emo on shizz I sang one of my fave mumford and sons songs tonight No make up so I look like a zombie and my mouth doesn’t match my face. It’s cool though.
Fallen out of step
tripping over the smallest cracks
in this sidewalk of life
I wanna make out with misery
let’s see if we cheer each other up
A smattering of applause to keep us going
all we want is that pat on the back
let’s see if we’ll make it over the wall of insecurities
say the words i need to hear
lets saw off our limbs and give it to those who need it
useless- its true
trying to think of the places I need to be before we’re all free
I have been a bad, bad blogger. I have been vlogging more frequently than anything. But my first love will always be blogging! I actually joined up with a friend of mine Alie. She’s fab and has her own website/blog that has to do with beauty. It has tips, photo shoots, and shows that you don’t have to be size 2 to be beautiful so I am happy to be a part of her site. This is the website: http://yourbeautiful.weebly.com/ so check it out and see me on there giving my two cents every now and then too. so here are my latest two vlogs:
kinda rambly but I was just coming off of work so don’t mind me much. I want to do more singing on my you tubes as well. More original stuff mixed with my own versions, acapella, of other songs. Maybe a couple of tegan and sara jams revamped? Hmm who knows!
I am going to be seeing paramore and tegan and sara august 4th and i ssosososo happy. It isn’t official until I buy the tix next week but me n the bestest are going I am soo psyched. I didn’t feel like really blogging so here is my vlog:
and if you didn’t see me sing random mess this is it:
oh yeah if you have a youtube subscribe because I won’t always be putting my vids on here. Leave some love if you feel like it. Let me know your thoughts. If you’re gonna be mean its all good I am used to assholes but remember the singing is just for fun. I love to sing, I may not be the best, but I love to do it and share it somehow so there.
Look, before you watch this video… It’s not about me crying out for help. It’s not about me begging for kind words. It is not about e-mailed optimism. Even though I love kind words and optimism. It’s just… A wake up call. I am always brutally honest when it comes to myself. This is just another part that honesty. I warn you it’s seeing me at my worst and it’s not flattering. But as I say at the end of the video this is for ME. For me to have on record before I go off the deep end again how it hurts to feel this way. Why I am doing this in the first place, why I am blogging and my ultimate goal. I don’t even want to post the picture of my weight gain. It’s 2.2 pounds and I am very ashamed of myself.
I pressed stop prematurely but I really didn’t have much else left to say. I haven’t watched it yet. I am going to save it for whenever I feel like eating an extra piece of something thats out of my points range. I think alcohol attributed an ounce or two so I should definitely limit my intake on that next time. I ask you all, after watching that, to just give a little prayer for me. I am not super religious or anything like that but I do believe in kind energy. I could use quite a bit of that as I struggle with my stupid job and this job hunt not to mention my lifestyle changes. So a kind thought or two would be lovely.