Are we falling or flying?

[twitter name=”anti_insipid”]

Sometimes. Sometimes you just get the urge to wrap your arms around a warm body. For me there is never anyone there. I wish some people were more thankful for who they have. Who they have to call their own. I hate Valentines Day season. I know it’s a bull shit holiday but when you’re perpetually single it is just another stab in your single heart. I have plenty of shit going for me but I get those sensations where I just want to scream my head off. I internalize a lot yet I internalize nothing. I go out alone a lot. I love going to the movies alone or going to Panera to sip on soup and read a book. I’m good at being alone. Maybe i’ll be good at it for the rest of my life.
Ah pessimism go away!
Is it really because I didn’t get to exercise this week i’m feeling this way? I’m hoping to have my stomach less asshole like on Sunday because I need to Zumba or something. I have been down! I went for a walk today and that was all good and well but it didn’t pump my adrenaline.
On a positive note: work didn’t suck today. I’m hoping it stops sucking for now on. I’ll work hard on not allowing it to.
So, in feeling all emo on shizz I sang one of my fave mumford and sons songs tonight No make up so I look like a zombie and my mouth doesn’t match my face. It’s cool though.

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feeling all bored and what not

Fallen out of step
tripping over the smallest cracks
in this sidewalk of life
I wanna make out with misery
let’s see if we cheer each other up
A smattering of applause to keep us going
all we want is that pat on the back
let’s see if we’ll make it over the wall of insecurities
say the words i need to hear
lets saw off our limbs and give it to those who need it
useless- its true
trying to think of the places I need to be before we’re all free

so random i didn’t even know where this came from
and here is a video of me singing… but using a baby avatar because i look a hot mess
http://www.twitvid.com/embed.php?guid=QYFL6&autoplay=0

Faces look ugly when you’re alone

I have been a bad, bad blogger. I have been vlogging more frequently than anything. But my first love will always be blogging! I actually joined up with a friend of mine Alie. She’s fab and has her own website/blog that has to do with beauty. It has tips, photo shoots, and shows that you don’t have to be size 2 to be beautiful so I am happy to be a part of her site. This is the website: http://yourbeautiful.weebly.com/ so check it out and see me on there giving my two cents every now and then too. so here are my latest two vlogs:


kinda rambly but I was just coming off of work so don’t mind me much. I want to do more singing on my you tubes as well. More original stuff mixed with my own versions, acapella, of other songs. Maybe a couple of tegan and sara jams revamped? Hmm who knows!

where does the good go?

I am going to be seeing paramore and tegan and sara august 4th and i ssosososo happy. It isn’t official until I buy the tix next week but me n the bestest are going I am soo psyched. I didn’t feel like really blogging so here is my vlog:

and if you didn’t see me sing random mess this is it:

oh yeah if you have a youtube subscribe because I won’t always be putting my vids on here. Leave some love if you feel like it. Let me know your thoughts. If you’re gonna be mean its all good I am used to assholes but remember the singing is just for fun. I love to sing, I may not be the best, but I love to do it and share it somehow so there.

Always weigh what I’ve got against what I left

Look, before you watch this video… It’s not about me crying out for help. It’s not about me begging for kind words. It is not about e-mailed optimism. Even though I love kind words and optimism. It’s just… A wake up call. I am always brutally honest when it comes to myself. This is just another part that honesty. I warn you it’s seeing me at my worst and it’s not flattering. But as I say at the end of the video this is for ME. For me to have on record before I go off the deep end again how it hurts to feel this way. Why I am doing this in the first place, why I am blogging and my ultimate goal. I don’t even want to post the picture of my weight gain. It’s 2.2 pounds and I am very ashamed of myself.

I pressed stop prematurely but I really didn’t have much else left to say. I haven’t watched it yet. I am going to save it for whenever I feel like eating an extra piece of something thats out of my points range. I think alcohol attributed an ounce or two so I should definitely limit my intake on that next time. I ask you all, after watching that, to just give a little prayer for me. I am not super religious or anything like that but I do believe in kind energy. I could use quite a bit of that as I struggle with my stupid job and this job hunt not to mention my lifestyle changes. So a kind thought or two would be lovely.