my novel

“You are a total tragedy- you owe me thirty bucks,” I said to my sister Lily Port.
“Please Delia get over it. I’ll get you the money sooner or later, ” she replied haughtily.
My younger sister, of three years, had just lost her part time job at the pretzel place in the mall. I know what you’re thinking: How do you get fired from Auntie Anne’s? Apparently she had been smuggling pretzels to most of her junior class during the major rushes. My sister was always so giving.
“Yeah later is the truth,” I said and rolled my hazel eyes. I tugged at the ends of my chestnut brown hair and chewed on the split ends. A disgusting habit I just couldn’t get rid of.
“God, Deal, could you just, like, not? We are in public for god sakes.”
As if you could call our deck in our back yard public. I let go of my hair nonetheless. I stared at my near seventeen-year-old sister and sighed. She was petite; barely clearing five feet and her was a darker shade of brown than min. Her eyes were a deep Kelly green. She was a beauty. Or a ‘fine piece of ass’ my friend Wes points out every time he sees her, which I follow with some form of physical pain. Boys and men alike near and far send catcalls her way everywhere she goes. I, on the other hand, was tall standing at 5’8. I was also very overweight. I hid myself in jeans and various hoodies and too large t-shirts. I was totally ashamed of my body. It wasn’t like I was hideous- I could look pretty hot when I actually applied myself. But due to my low self-esteem and large body I couldn’t be deemed a proper prospect to the men. I was reaching my 21st birthday and I felt like an old maid, since my sister had a different boyfriend every day of the week and I have yet to actually have one. Tale as old as time I swear.
“So, have you talked to Danny boy? Lily asked me with a mischievous glint in her eye. Once again I rolled my eyes.
“Jesus, Lil. He doesn’t like me. At all. As a matter of fact he is dating some broad that goes to Penn State. Well, at least that’s what I heard from Wes.” Daniel Hurst was basically the love of my life. I met him when I was fourteen, my freshman year and McKean High. I could never forget that day.
I was completely lost and it was my first day. The second bell had rung and I was confused. I had no idea where my English class was. The he appeared. He walked out of the nurse’s office and rammed right into me. I swear it was just like a movie; papers and books everywhere.
“Wow, I am so, so, so, SO sorry.” I sputtered. I hadn’t truly looked at him yet. All I could do was scramble around and grab my stuff.
“It happens. It’s no big deal,” he said in his deep, calm, reassuring tone. After we gathered all of our belongings we stood up and truly looked at each other. He was about six feet tall then compared to his current height of 6’4. He was wearing a baby blue Hurley T shirt , black and white checkered etnies and a black belt with silver “brass” knuckles as a belt buckle. He had his dark brown hair cropped short then and now he wears it relatively long and shaggy in his face. His blue eyes were piercing and my breath was caught. I couldn’t say a word.
“Are you okay?” He asked me.
I laughed nervously as I gathered my wits.
“Uh, yeah, of course. I fall all of the time,” I said.
No sooner had the words escaped my mouth I felt like a complete idiot. He grinned and I caught sight of his heart-shattering grin with dimples included.
“Probably not all the time. I usually do because I skate. Look at this scar.” He then showed me this huge pale scar on his forearm.
“Ouch, that sucks.”
Conversation was flowing and I was so happy.
“Yeah, but it goes with the territory, ya know?”
Nope. I had no idea. I couldn’t skate to save my life. We started to stroll down the hall and then I realized I had to be in class. Like ten minutes ago.
“Um, I’m Delia,” I said like a geek and offered my hand. He laughed and shook it formally.
“Danny. Daniel. Whatever. I like Danny.”
“All right, Danny, where in the hell is Mrs. Robinson English room 112?”
He laughed again and said,” Oh I get it, you’re a froshie.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Froshie, huh? If by that you mean freshman then yes. Or fresh-woman, sure.”
He guffawed at that one.
“Fresh-woman? You’re freakin” awesome.”
Wow, to be called awesome by a complete hottie was just the best ever.
“So you’re a what?”
“Huh?” He asked.
“Sophie, Junie, Senie? Which one? And how come you’re too cool to be in class?”
He absolutely howled at that one. Never have I considered myself so hilarious as I did at that moment.
“Junie- by you’re standards. I have a free period now and I was as trying to be the nurses aid. You’re one to talk, by the way, its fifteen minutes into second period.”
“Aw man,” I groaned
He pointed to the door the left of my and said; “This is Mrs. Robinson English. Let m e talk to her; she and I go way back.”
Danny walked right up to the door and opened it. I peered into the room and felt like a total fool. All of the kids in the room turned to take a good look at me.
“Mrs. R? This is Delia. She had a little trouble trying to get her schedule. She just got it. I’m her escort is that cool?” She smiled and said; “Sure Daniel. Thanks.”
I looked back at my savior and I knew then that I loved him.
“Catch you later, Deals,” he said and left.
After that day we became great friends. It was an instantaneous spark between us that I couldn’t explain. We were friends for two years before I confessed my love to him after a night of reckless teen drinking. He laughed it off and I was heartbroken. I blamed my weight for everything. It didn’t help that people in high school called me “Big” Deal. We ended up being really close in spite of it all. Best friends and all that. Just friends. I’m the sisterly type. Lately, it had been pissing me off due to the fact we were spending so much more time together due to summer break. . Still we palled around like nothing.
“Do you still like him?” lily asked me ruining my reverie.
I looked up from the nail I was painting red and I looked at her.
“What do you think?”
“That you do.”
“Bingo,” I said and blew on my nails to help them dry.
“You’re such a loser,” my sister said kindly.
“I know,” I said and sighed.
Beating heart’s baby… my cell phone bleated. Of course. It was a text from Danny.

Wanna come over?

These texts used to tantalize me. Now I know all we were going to do was watch some lame movie.
I replied:
If i must.

Sardonic. I know.
He replied:
You must. Sound happy for pete’s sake.

Yes sir. I’m leaving now. YAY!!

Good. That’s better.

I walked into his parent house without knocking. It was expected. I was greeted with silence.
“Oh, Danny boy?” I called out.
Distantly I heard, ” Up here.”
I trudged up the thick beige carpeted stairs and headed into his bedroom. Again, this was no big deal. He was sitting on his bed, shirtless and in his khaki cargo shorts typing on his laptop. The shirtless part wasn’t THAT big of a deal. I have seen him half naked a million times. I just always welcomed the sight. He looked up at me and smiled. I couldn’t help but grin like a Cheshire cat and feast my eyesonhis gorgeous torso. He was semi muscular because he went to the gym like once in a blue moon. I swear guys have all the luck.
“Come here,” he said and I went up to hug him.
We always hugged. Never a big deal. It was when his lips found mine that I felt as though; okay. This might be a big deal.

It was truly earth shattering. Danny’s lips on mine. It was the most passionate kiss I had ever- I mean it was only like my third kiss- had the pleasure to be involved in. His hands were going to the right places; sliding down my back, slightly grabbing my butt in the least perverted way possible. I just kissed him back fiercely with my heart soaring and my hands on his bare chest and neck. My mouth opened for air and he surprised me with his tongue and I eagerly accepted this new invasion in my mouth. After a full ten minutes of making out his hand went under my shirt. I was hot all over and I wanted his hands there but this was happening way, I mean WAY, too fast. I pulled away and looked at him breathing heavily.
“Whoa dude. What in the hell was that?!” I exclaimed. He gave me a half smile in response. He looked utterly sheepish.
I sat up fully and crossed my arms over my chest. I was feeling very vulnerable and confused.
“Okay, a response how would be suffice. Thanks,” I said starting to get seriously pissed.
Danny laughed which made me even madder.
“I don’t know Delia. I just wanted to kiss you.”
What a frickin’ ass! The man I love has finally kissed me and there is no reason behind it like maybe he returns my ardor?
. Only because I was so emotional was I able to spit out this next couple of sentences:
“Daniel, seriously, what in the hell are you doing? Are you messing with my head because you know how I feel about you? Are you bored? Are you just being a complete jerk? Please give me a reasonable explanation before I rip my hair out.”
He sat up while scratching his head. He grabbed my hand and brought it to his lips. He kissed it so tenderly.
“Deals, you know how much I love you- you’re my best friend. I care about you in indescribable ways. I’m totally confused right now, ya know? I’m not messing with you, I would never do that. I’m just acting on a whim- a feeling. A feeling I have felt for a little while now.” To that I had nothing to say but my mind was racing.
It seemed appropriate on that eye-opening day to just lay on his bed with the fan going and his arms wrapped around me. I didn’t feel too big in his arms for once. I thought I fit just right. We both fell asleep just like that.
I awoke with a start and found myself tangled in Danny’s arms. Could that have really happened? It was pitch dark in his room except for the small green light that was coming from his barely open laptop that lay abandoned on the floor. Danny didn’t even stir as I reached for my phone. It made that little tinkling noise as I slid it up. The phone read 3 missed calls and 5 new text messages. Jesus how long had I been asleep? I exited out of the missed calls and checked the time; it was 2 am. How could I have slept for that long?
My mom and sister had been trying to get a hold of me. Since I was over 18 my mom couldn’t be too pissed but she was still worried so I texted her right away.

Mom, I ended up falling asleep while watching a movie at Danny’s. I’m just going to stay over here. Luv u.

I looked over at Danny’s sleeping face and I caressed his cheek. He twitched and groaned. I giggled and he opened his eyes.
“I’m sorry you just were too cute,” I said while laughing again.
He groaned again and yawned. I scooted closer to his mouth and kissed him.
“Mmm, good morning?” he asked.
“Well, good night is more like it. It’s two o’clock in the morning,” I replied.
“Jesus, really? Thank god I didn’t have anything to do,” he said. I sat up and looked down on him.
“What am I going to do with you mister?” I asked him.
“Hopefully illegal yet pleasurable things,” he replied.
I whacked him with the pillow and he pulled me closer to him and he kissed me again.
Danny was the one that pulled away first.
“I got to pee. I’ll be right back, ” he said and walked out without further ado. I grabbed his laptop on the floor and saw he had the explorer up already. I checked myfacebook and left him a cute little comment:

Daniel Daniel Daniel. What am I to do with you? You are a total loser face.

I was totally bored so I looked at his pictures. He had a couple of us together making stupid faces. The captions all said: my sis and me. I could vomit because I really hope he doesn’t feel that way- well obviously he doesn’t if he is making out with me but this could be a potential problem. I shut his laptop and I sat there staring into space pondering the situation. It was during my deep thought Danny walked in. He ran to the bed and tackled me. I laughed so hard I snorted which made him collapse on top of me in a fit of laughter. That went on for almost ten minutes before he kissed my forehead, then my eyelids, my nose, and then finally found my mouth. I vehemently kissed him back while encircling my arms around his neck. Screw the sister idea. You don’t kiss your sister like this unless you are Angelina Jolie’s brother. Somehow he ended up with out his pants. Somehow I ended up without my shirt. I felt no shame. There was no stopping the forces of my pure love and we were so swept up in the whole situation I didn’t care. It felt so right and I was ready. He was kissing me in places I never let anyone see. His lips found my neck, my chest, and I wasn’t at all upset when he kissed my stomach. I was no longer some fat chick. The best part was I was with the guy I loved. Danny was just about to take off my underwear when his phone started going off.

“Sometimes I give myself the creeps…. Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me…” Green Day belted from his stupid fucking phone. I was about to throttle Billie Joe Armstrong. Of course the mood was ruined. Danny tried to keep kissing me but I was no longer responding. “Danny, just answer your fucking phone.” He got off of me and went to his dresser to get his phone. I scrambled to find my clothes on the floor. The smoke had cleared and the magic was ruined. I felt huge and self-conscious so I threw on my shirt and ran to the bathroom. I broke down and cried on the toilet. Great heaving sobs. Never in my life have I felt so vulnerable and strange. There was a gentle knock on the door about five minutes later and I replied with a grumble. The doorknob was fiddled with for about thirty seconds before it swung open and there was Danny kneeling on the floor with a bobby pin. Where in the hell did he get a bobby pin?
“Well, aren’t you crafty?” I said with a hitch of a sob in my throat.
He walked toward me without saying a word and hugged me. I felt my body respond to his touch and the floodgates were released once more. I dried my tears on his Sublime t-shirt he must’ve put on while I hid poorly. I looked up at him with the most sardonic smile and asked; “Who called?”
“Wes drunk as all hell at his apartment. H e was drunk dialing.” of course. It must’ve been fate that we weren’t supposed to have sex. At least not now.

I slept in his bed with his cotton sheets and his arms around me. The only warmth I really needed was his. I admired his sleeping face and just let myself drift not even caring if I snored.

Morning came way too quickly. I was greeted by horrific morning breath right on my face. Danny ‘s was centimeters away. I tried not to push him away because it was truly the worst thing I have ever had the pleasure to smell. I am sure my breath wasn’t faring any better. I turned over to face his cream walls and suppressed a laugh. Waking up in the guy’s bed you loved wasn’t supposed to be this hilarious but this was Danny and I. The stirring of my body must’ve woken him because I felt him sit up and yawn. I pretended to stay asleep because he had lay back down and brought his body closer to mine. Oh god please don’t breathe on me! He brought his chin to my neck and his morning stubble tickled me. I giggled loudly and jerked my head, which collided with his.
“Oh, shit!” I yelled
“What the fuck?” Danny yelled equally loud. We looked at each other and just started cracking up. Both of us had our hands rubbing our heads. He put his right hand on my head and I put my left on his.
“What a pair of losers we make, huh?” I asked. He laughed and said; “I better go brush my teeth.”
“Oh, yes please do. I’ll follow you as soon as you’re done.” He laughed again and playfully hit me. As he went to the bathroom and I was left alone in his room again and put my head upon his pillow and looked toward the ceiling. I wasn’t sure what I was feeling at the current moment in time. I was just so happy yet scared as though this could all be a wonderful dream I could wake up from at any second. Then there was the whole sister thing on his myspace and that was kind of freaking me out too. But it had only been one life changing night. Lets see how the rest of this weekend plays out.
When we were both done our bathroom duties we sat side-by-side on his bed and just stared at the floor. It being one in the afternoon made no difference to us being less tired. I didn’t care to look at my phone. What the hell was the point? I guess Danny was bored because he hit me in the arm with his shoulder. I hit him back.
“Danny boy, do you think of me as your sister?” I guess it was just because we both weren’t saying anything I just said what came to mind. Sometimes that happens to me.
“Um, I don’t make out with my sister,” he said pointedly.
“That s what I was thinking but then your facebook says the sisterly thing. And then it wasn’t until yesterday you thought putting your tongue in my mouth was hot so I don’t know what to think.”
He scratched his head thoughtfully I guess choosing the words carefully. He knows I nit pick and that I analyze every detail as if it was my reason for living.
“I really don’t know what to say. I mean we’re close, right?”
!
“Kay, um but I have loved you for about five years so go figure that one.” I couldn’t help getting a little pissed again.
His face softened and he peered into my eyes.
“Still?” he asked so simply.
“Haven’t stopped and this isn’t helping of course.”
He kissed me with his amazingly soft lips. I returned the kiss but I wasn’t into all that now. I wanted to talk because I suddenly remembered a very important little detail. I pulled away quickly and looked to the floor because I knew the answer to the question I was about to ask.
“Danny, aren’t you dating a girl?” I bit my lip and looked him. It was his turn to look to the floor.
I looked at his shameful pose and I knew.
“You’re fucked up.”
I walked out of his room then. I walked quickly down the thick-carpeted steps wishing I could sink into the beige ness.

“So, you spent the night at Danny’s?” Lilly asked as we were walking our beloved mall.
“Yeah, we fell asleep watching a movie,” I replied while taking a huge bite of my cinnamon sugar covered pretzel. It was like eating heaven.
“What movie?” Lily asked innocently while peering at me with her big eyes.
“Gawd, what is this the effing Spanish inquisition?” I asked while taking a smaller bite and then wiping the crumbs off of my green t-shirt with pink and black skulls all over it.
“Well, sure. If I knew what that was.”
I sighed and looked at her.
“Superbad,” I said.
“”Now how do you fall asleep during Superbad? That is, like, the best movie ever freakin’ made,” my clever sister pointed out. This is true. Superbad has to be the funniest movie I had ever seen.
“It was late. We were tired.”
She looked at me again with that yeah whatever kinda looks. The bitch.
“You know you’re my sister. Something happened last night and you better tell me,” Lily said with fire on her tongue.
“Or what?” God, we are such kids.
“Or nothing. Just please, please, PLEASE tell me!” We were now standing in front of Baby Gap and the Coffee Beanery.
“Seriously? Shut the hell up. We are in the mall. Chillax.” Lily looked at me with her eyes ablaze in fury.
“Delia, you know I’m not going to stop so you might as well tell me now.”
I tossed my cinnamon sugar bag in the trash resisting the urge to scrape the bottom with my tongue.
“Okay, he kissed me, all right” I said in a near whisper.
Lily squealed while jumping up and down.
“I knew it!” she yelled.
I shushed her and grabbed her elbow.
“Tell no one or I will tell mom about Auntie Anne’s and why you really got fired.”
Lily brought her lime green painted index finger to her lips.
“I won’t. I promise.”
We walked further along in silence. I could hear the gears grinding in her head like she was thinking of the right question to ask.
“Lil, before you say anything I just want to say I don’t want to talk about it. It was lame and he’s dating someone else it was just some random thing that should’ve never happened.”
Lily made an O with her lip glossed mouth and said nothing.
“Boys are assholes aren’t they?” Lily said after we passed the food court for the fifth time that day.
“Yeah, they really are leading a special kinda life,” I replied.

The drive home back to our house was fairly uneventful except for the blaring of beating hearts baby every couple of minutes.
“Why don’t you answer?” Lily asked.
“Because I don’t want to talk to him right now.”
“You always do, though,” she said with a smack of her gum as punctuation.
“Jesus, what is with you lately?” I asked irritably. I was so agitated I almost went through a red light.
“Go ahead kill us why don’t you?” Lily yelled.
“If you would leave me the hell alone I could concentrate,” I growled.
She folded her arms across her chest and stared out the window. I gripped the steering wheel tighter and kept driving. The rest of the ride was in silence in ’til we pulled into our driveway.
“Look, just because you are mad at Danny doesn’t make it right for you to be all pissy with me okay?” Lily said as she got out of my charcoal ford focus and slammed the door.
“Bitch,” I muttered to myself. I didn’t turn off the ignition, though. Fuck this, I thought. I pulled out of my driveway and found myself taking the familiar roads to Danny’s house.
Once I pulled up to his house I found myself getting out of the car without my body telling me to do so. I walked into his house barely making a sound. I walked up those thick-carpeted steps and I felt like I was floating. I walked into his room and I saw it was empty. How cliché would it have been if I had opened the door and saw him with his girlfriend? I sat myself on his bed and looked around the cluttered floor. It was littered with boxers and empty propel bottles. Danny really loved lemon flavored propel. I started to lie down on his very comfy bed and I sniffed his pillow. It smelled just like him. I felt like Josh Hartnett in Wicker Park when he invaded that hotel room he thought his ex was staying in. I honestly didn’t mean to fall asleep. I was kinda of tired after all that walking I guess. It just kinda sucked to be woken up by Danny’s lovely tall, thin, red headed girlfriend.
“Excuse me, Delia?” the girl said softly as she nudged my left shoulder blade. I sat up just like the doll in the game DON’T WAKE DADDY. I looked around in bleary vision until i blinked a couple of times and realized where i was and WHO was waking me up.
The girl didn’t really look pissed, just bemused. Danny was standing behind her looking totally bewildered.
“Wow, um…” I really had no idea what to say. I guess sorry is the right thing to say.
“I’m so…” i began but the girl put her finger to my lips and made a soft shushing noise.
“I know you and Dan are close. It’s fine. Seriously no worries,” the girl said. I seriously couldn’t recall her name but apparently she knew mine.
As if reading my mind she smiled warmly and said;” I’m Lizzie, Lizzie McPherson, Dan’s girlfriend . I just came up for a visit.” Lizzie. LIzzie McPherson.Who the hell says their last name in the introduction anymore? She had her long orangey hair down in lovely waves that framed her pale face that had freckles lightly speckled on her nose. She wore light shimmer shadow on her lids that accentuated her piercing green eyes. On her lips a pale pink gloss that looked almost natural. She was so pretty it took my breath away. I was so damn jealous.
“It’s really nice to meet you. I’m Delia but I guess you already knew that,” i said with a nervous laugh. It was then i realized i was still in Danny’s bed with the covers still around me. I swung legs out of the comfy bed and stood up. I brought my hand to my hair and realized i had bed head.
“I was just looking for my watch that i thought i left here the other day and i just fell asleep I guess. I’ve been really tired lately, you know. I know that had to be weird just walking in and finding me there,”I rambled like and idiot. I peered over Lizzie’s green camisole covered shoulder and found Danny’s eyes. He looked sorry and guilty. Lizzie shook her head and smiled.
“Seriously, its no biggie. I understand. Dan’s told me all about you guys and how you’re like his little sister,” she said while looking at him with adoration. She really liked him. Well, eff that I am so outta here. I am not going to watch this sick love fest anymore.”Well, I better be going. You guys probably want to just be alone and all that crap so I hope to see you around Lizzie and it was really nice meeting you,” I said while edging toward the open door.
Lizzie wasn’t going to let me go easy.
“Oh, we were going to go to bowling tonight if you wanted to come. I would love to hang out.”
Oh, hell no. I will not be apart of this sick Three’s a Company thing.
“Aw, Lizzie, I’m sure you guys want to be alone. Plus that’ll be a cute date for you and Danny boy here,” Isaid while punching Danny in the shoulder more forcibly then Lizzie must’ve noticed. I saw him wince in pain and I beamed inside.
“Well, it wasn’t going to be just us. It was going to be a bunch of Danny’s friends. He wants to introduce me to everyone,” Lizzie said while sitting on the bed. She crossed her long bare legs perfectly. Man, I wish I could wear cute khaki shorts.
“Honestly, another time. I just don’t feel up to it,” i said with a soft smile. It was the most truthful thing i said since we’ve met other than saying my name.
“Okay, that’s totally fine. Maybe we can go to the beach or something later this week, ” she said with a beaming smile.
I loved how Danny just left me hanging during this whole exchange of words. He went to go sit beside his girl and she put her head on his shoulder. I couldn’t take much more of this. I inched toward the door a little more and smiled at the both of them.
“Kay, guys. I will catch you later. Danny, hit me up with the beach plans and seriously nice to meet you Liz.”
I walked out and didn’t listen to their response.
That was the most awkward conversation i had ever had in my life. I didn’t plan to go to the beach with them. I don’t except to see that Lizzie Mc-WHATEVER ever again.
It was hard to drive since I was crying so hard. I had to pull over by a deserted park in order to calm down before I ran into something. What a fool I’ve been. To think there was going to be something with Danny knowing full well he had someone. But the problem was he took advantage of me. He knew my feelings for him and just because he was horny he had to just screw me all up. This really sucks. I stared at the empty swing set and felt myself wish i were a kid again. I looked at my knockoff pink faced silver GUCCI watch that read 6:30 p.m. It was summer and I had nothing better to do than wallow in front of a kid’s park like some crazy person. I wiped my eyes with some leftover Burger King napkins and put on some Foo Fighters mix. As My hero blasted I put the key in the ignition and headed home.

As soon as I walked in the door my mother berated me with questions.
“Where have you been? Why are you yelling at your sister? Why are your eyes red? Are you high?”
I looked her with the look of OH MY GOD I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU JUST ASKED ME THAT.
“Mom, seriously? High? Jesus, no I was crying, okay? I was at Danny’s. I was yelling at Lily for being nosy and annoying, okay? God!” I was totally exasperated. I honestly do not know why I headed home when I knew it would be like this.
“Look, Delia, I know you are twenty but seriously don’t you ever yell at me like that or I will throw your ass in the street, you got me? You still live in my house so therefore you deal with my damn rules,” my mother said in the most no nonsense voice she had.
She looked into my eyes and her expression softened.
“Do you want to tell me what happened?” she asked. I shook my head.
“It’s stupid and I shouldn’t even care,” i replied while taking a deep breath like the one the doctor tells you to take while they’re listening to your body.
“Oh, well i am sure you and Danny will work out whatever it is. You have been friends for way too long in order for you to get upset over something stupid. Just please go talk to your sister for me, will ya?”
I nodded and headed up the wood grained steps. It was such a contrast to Danny’s house. We had no carpet except for our basement due to my sister’s severe allergy so we had wooden floors and tiles. It made our house very cold in the winter.
I found Lily sitting at the computer messing around on Photoshop when i went into her room.
“Lily?” i said softly as i crept into her room.
“What the hell do you want?”
I sighed and flopped on her bed.
“Give it a rest its no big, Kay?” I said. It was the closest thing i would come to apologizing because the day i was having made it perfect for me to not have to be nice.
“So why were you crying?” She asked while putting her computer on sleep mode.
“Oh, no real reason except that i fell asleep at Danny’s and his girlfriend woke me up,” i said very casually.
Lily scooted the chair closer to the bed and yelled; “WHAT?” i sat up and looked at her then nodded.
“Yeah, her name is Lizzie and she’s really pretty,” i said sadly.
“Ohmygod! What does she look like?”
I had to lie back down again. I stared at the ceiling as i rattled off her appearance.
“She has long red hair- the orangey kind. Really green eyes, and fair skin.”
Lily scoffed.
“Sounds like she looks like Ronald McDonald to me,” she said.
I sat up once more and shook my head.
“No, not at all. She’s really pretty. You’d have to see her to understand. And to top it all off she’s nice and wants us all to hang out. She asked me to go bowling with them tonight.”
Lily rolled her eyes and smiled deviously.
“Oh, you so should! And you should show up looking gorgeous and make her jealous.”
I laughed at the ludicrous idea.
“Come on Lil! The only nice thing i have is my prom dress and that’s not technically bowling approved.”
She giggled then looked at me seriously.
“No, i mean just like straighten your hair, do your make up, and do something to show that bitch up.”
I rolled my eyes but i knew she was trying to be helpful. Whenever i did try to look presentable all I felt was fat. Like everyone was staring at me because i was fat not because I looked good.
“Lily, I can’t. I have seriously NOTHING to wear. Nada. Plus i really just don’t want to go. I just want to lie in bed and watch TV.”
Lily crossed her arms over her chest and pouted.
“You are no fun.”
I got up from her bed and walked over to her computer to do another check on my favorite social networking sites. The super emo status updates were in full fledge. I felt emo so it was appopriate. rLame.
I felt a dull vibration on my thigh from my cell.
It was Danny. I pressed the answer button despite the strong feeling I had to just hit ignore.
“Hello?” I answered. It was like i was asking a question but i knew damn well who it was.
“Can I come over?” he asked.
“What about Lizzie?” i asked bitterly.
“She went to the mall. Tax free shopping and all that.”
“It is a girl’s turn on.”
He laughed softly.
“So can I?” he asked again.
I peered out my sister’s window and scoffed. Danny’s black Honda accord was in my driveway.
“You’re already here.”
He laughed and i watched him step out of his car.
“Valid point. SO can i come in is the proper question.”
“Whatever. Come up.”

..::added: 11/21/2010::..
I headed downstairs without a second thought to what I was wearing which was just jeans and a Tegan and Sara T shirt. I felt that odd swoop in my stomach that I ALWAYS feel when I know Danny’s near. We met in the kitchen. He was already in my fridge grabbing a cream soda we keep stocked just for him.
“Grab me a Diet Coke please,” I said. He handed me the sweating can and we headed to my room. It was in the basement far away from everyone in the house. Thank god. I may still be living at home but at least its a bit seperated from everyone. My room was nothing special. It was a mixture between adultlike and girly. The walls were powder pink and there were little quotes here and there hand written by me on the walls. There were lots of candles because I was OBSESSED with candles. My bed wasn’t made but Danny was used to that. The red and hot pink striped covers were half on the hardwood floor. He sat at the foot of my bed and I sat at the head.
“Don’t be mad, Deals.” I wanted to kick him. The urge was real and my foot was there but I didn’t kick him.
“I am not mad Danny. I just feel like I have been punched in my gut. Why do you do the things you do?”
I loved asking questions to which people have no real answer to. Watching him squirm under my question was a true delight.
“‘Delia, I have no explanation…”
“No shit,” I interjected.
“I just wish things were different.”
I stood up and walked to my dresser and fingered my jewelry.
“What ‘things’?”
He stood up and walked toward me. I looked into the mirror and watched him. He put his arms around my waist. I, being the fool I am, stepped into him and he put his face to the crook of my neck. I didn’t turn to him but continued to stare into the mirror.
His blue eyes were gazing into my hazels. He kissed me softly where my neck met my shoulder blade. I meant to just blink but I ended up closing my eyes. He kissed me again but this time it was closer to my ear. Starved for this kind of affection I turned and faced him. I kissed his lips softly. I was so new at this and it was so very wrong. I don’t want to be a homewrecker but my sense wasn’t there. He kissed me back and put his arm around my and rested his hands near my lower back. I heard music like in every romantic comedy. I felt it move me to push him closer to my bed. I felt the sondtrack beat in my heart. THe song taking me further down the road of something so wrong.

A half hour later and it was all over. Danny was already asleep on his stomach with his right arm over my torso protectively. I gazed at the ceiling replaying the moments that just happened in my head. I felt my cheeks grow warm with embarrassment and I cringed at the more graphic parts. I shivered as I remember his kisses going everywhere. I almost started to cry when I remembered that THAT was it. I wasn’t a virgin anymore. I scooted away from Danny a bit to let those thoughts process. I pulled the covers up to my chin and cringed as the images came playing back in my head like a movie. Was he disgusted by what he saw?
Danny must’ve felt me move because he scooted closer to me and grabbed me.
“Where’d you go?” He asked. I turned to him and looked at him. He searched my face and he kissed my forehead.
“Are you okay?” Was I? It wasn’t like I was this 14 year old girl. I was an adult but it seemed so much since he wasn’t technically mine. He felt mine now. My face crumpled and I started to cry.
“Hey, hey, hey,” He shushed me and came even closer. I wanted that very much but I scooted away. I grabbed the comforter off the bed and wrapped it around myself. I got up from the bed and tried not to look at the very naked man in my bed.
“What are you doing?” He said as I grabbed at my strown clothes and put them on as I put them on under the comforter. I failed trying to put my right leg into my underwear and fell back on the bed and onto Danny.
“Ah, sorry!” I said.
“Delia, what is the matter. Relax.”
“I can’t relax!” I replied in a shrilly voice.
“Why?”
I sat back up and sat at the edge of the bed.
He sat up with me.
“Danny, do you know that was my first time?” I asked him. He didn’t say anything.
“Yes.” I looked at him and he wiped the tears from my eyes.
“Danny, I love you. I love you like Bella loves Edward.” His nose wrinkled in distaste.
I started to sob harder.
“Wait, no, it was the Twilight reference. Stop, Deals, stop it.” I started to laugh a little.
“Delia, I love you too. You are my best friend.” Oh, he hasn’t said THAT before.
I scoffed.
“Danny, I am sorry. So sorry this happened.” He didn’t say anything.
I contiuned; “You are with Lizzie who is waiting for you right at this moment.”
Danny scratched his head thoughtlessly or was it in thought? He stood up and grabbed at his clothes. I sat there feeling dejected. He was supposed to say screw Lizzie and stay. That’s what good guys do.
I don’t get good guys. Even the ones that are supposed to be your best friend. I stopped crying atleast and I looked around my room. I felt like a child and I needed to be held. The one I wanted to hold me wasn’t mine to hold and now I am going to be left alone. I grabbed at my phone that was on the floor. I slid it up to text Stacia. My female best friend.
I texted:
Rescue me.

She replied seconds later.

Where are you?

Danny stood in front of me fully dressed.
“I don’t want to leave you like this,” he said with his hands in his front pockets.
“Naked and alone?” I asked. He half smiled.
“Yes,” he replied and crouched down to ties his red chucks.
I shrugged. “You have bowling to go to and whatever.”
He looked at his watch.
“It is like seven…” How can he do this to me? Screws me and leaves me? Does he think this is what I want?
“You don’t want to leave Lizzie waiting,” I whispered. It was quiet but he heard me. I saw it in the way he sighed.
“I guess so. Are you sure you don’t want to come?” He asked.
I snorted.
“Yeah, I desire nothing than to bowl with Lizzie. I would love to tell her how I spent my afternoon rolling in bed with her boyfriend.”
I was bitter. I was getting angry I grabbed at my cell phone to text Stacia and ignored Danny.

My house. Come soon and bring liquor.

“Delia, we have to ta-” I cut him off.
“Talk about it? No thanks. Not unless you want to discuss those
‘things’ you were talking about earlier. Because I would love to know why you couldn’t just say ‘PEACE’ to Lizzie and date me.”
He didn’t say a word. I continued to put my clothes on. I dropped the comforter once I had my shirt on. I grabbed at my jeans and put them on.
He just stood there texting someone. Probably Lizzie.
It was a good thing I was clothed and so was Danny because Stacie walked in. She was glowing. I loved Stacie but she was so damn gorgeous it was quite a sight. She was tall, about 5’10, and had long blond hair. She tanned easily and she was, as I said, glowing. She reminded everyone of Blake Lively but with blue eyes. She was a bitch with a sunny exterior and I loved her to pieces.
“What’s going on?” Stacia asked eyeing the two of us.
“Danny was just leaving. He and Lizzie are going bowling,” I replied.
“I know, I thought you were going too. Wes is going too. So is Charlie.” Ah, the whole gang.
“Oh.” Was all I said. Stacia eyed the two of us suspiciously.
“I do have to get Lizzie from the mall. I dropped her off since she didn’t know where it was,” Danny said while heading to the door.
“See you,” I said without getting up to hug him good bye. That was usually standard practice. Stacia hugged Danny and watched him walk upstairs to leave.
“What the hell was that?” I didn’t say a word and I just hugged her.
I didn’t cry even though I probably should. I just hugged her tighter.
She rubbed my back.
“You guys didn’t…” She said while letting go of me.
“What? How did you know?” Stacia gasped.
“The bed is a mess and you both look so guilty. Oh my god! Deals, are you okay?”
I shurgged and started to take the sheets off the bed. I didn’t want to sleep on them until they were thoroughly washed. I didn’t want to smell him.
“Delia, talk to me. Please, tell me what happened.”
I sat on the bare bed and sighed. I told her the story from the beginning of it all. The kisses in his room until the moment she just witnessed.
“Damn,” was all she could utter.
“Shit, is more like it,” I said and I stood up to gaze at myself in the mirror. My hair was frizzy and was sticking up in odd angles. I realized I head redness around my lips and neck.
“What the hell is this?” I asked as I stared at myself in the mirror. Stacia stepped closer to me and looked at what I was talking about.
“Beard burn.” She said. I laughed.
“What?”
“Danny was sporting a light stubble. It chaffed your face. Wes did that shit to me the other day. Just put some moisturizer and foundation. Good as new.”
I looked at her.
“Wes, Wes? Wes Williams? The guy you went out with in high school but dumped him because you said he was too pretty?”
Stacia stifled a giggle.
“Yes, Wes, Wes. We were drunk and I pounced on him. That caramelicious bastard didn’t know what was happening.” She tugged at her blond hair.
“He’s still too pretty. That may prose as a problem,” she said while staring at the ceiling. I rolled my eyes and suddenly remembered.
“Wait, was it Monday night?” I asked. Stacia looked up and said; “Yeah, how did you know that?” She asked.
“I was at Dannys when Wes drunk dialed Danny. He interrupted attempt numero uno.”
“Well, damn, that must’ve been after I fell asleep.”
We looked at each other and started silly laughing.
“We are a mess,” I said.
“You’re not kidding. But Wes is mine now while as Danny is banging Conan O’brien’s twin sister.” I started laughing while feeling sick at the same time.
“Oh Stace,” I said and hugged her again.
“I know,” she said and hugged me back. She did know. That was the best part.

Two hours later we were sitting on the uncomfortable chairs at the bowling alley. Wes was attempting to steal Stacia’s cheese fries.
“Get the fuck outta here,” She said and slapped his hand away.
“Whatever.” He said and he began to mope.
“Give it up Williams, no fries for you,” Danny said. His voice my heart ache. I distracted myself by watching Stacia and Wes interact. I was starting to pay attention to how they couldn’t keep their hands off each other. It wasn’t gropey. Just small instances where he would rub her arm and she would toussle his light brown closely cropped curls. His seafoam green eyes lit up when he looked at her. I felt that tug in my heart again.
“Delia, you’re up,” Lizzie said and her voice made me wince. I was playing down the guilt but I still felt bad.
“Oh, okay,” I said and I stepped up to grab the 8 pound hot pink ball. I tossed the ball and ended up hitting 4 pins.
Lizzie whooped.
“Alright!” Gah, she was one of those cheerleader girls. The kind that think the way to fit in with your friends boyfriends is to be extra sugary. I was about to go into a diabetic coma from all of the sweetness.
I did the second frame and ended up scraping a spare. She high fived me and I thought I snapped her arm in two. Stacia eyed the exchange from Wes’s lap.
I looked at the seats available and there was the one next to Danny and one by Charlie. I ended up sitting by Charlie and he smiled. Charlie was one of my favorite people. He was short for a guy, about 5’5 or 5’6, and he had these awesome nautical sleeve tattoos on his arms with flowers making homage to his home Hawaii. Why he left there I’ll never understand. Something about his dad getting a huge raise to move. I would rather be poor and live in Hawaii. His silky brown hair was long to his shoulders. He was very chill and very sweet.
“‘Sup, Della?” He asked. Charlie always called me Della. I could never remember why but I know I didn’t mind.
“You know. Same ol’ same ol,” I replied and took a sip from my soda.
“Still working at that phone place?” He asked.
“No, I was temping at this HMO doing customer service. They said they’re going to ask me back in August when they’re hiring for full time positions.”I replied.
“Rad, I’m looking for a job. I mean I love working at the shop but I am just an apprentice. I make zero money.” Charlie was a tattoo apprentice. He does a great job. He did Danny’s anchor on his left upper back in honor for his grandfather who was in the Navy. I have yet to get my first tattoo but I will be soon. I think. I may be too indecisive for it.
“I’ll try and get you in when they’re hiring again, ” I said.
“That’d be sweet!” I smiled and turned my attention to Danny and Lizzie. They were sharing fries and laughing about something. I watched Wes throw a strike and I stood up to go to the bathroom.
“I’ll be right back guys,” I said to the group. I headed to the bathroom but I ended up heading to the exit. I kept going and didn’t look back.
..::Edit 11.28.10::..
I didn’t get as far as the middle of the parking lot when I heard my name.
“Where are you going, Deals?” I turned around and faced Wes.
“I was just going to get something out of my car,” I fabricated.
“Sure you were.” I rolled my eyes.
“What did Stacia tell you?” I asked and folded my arms around my chest.
“You mean what I saw? I saw you and Danny avoiding each other yet you staring at him like he deserves a stake in his heart. I also saw you doing the same to Lizzie.” I sighed.
“Wes, you’re better in the dark. Promise.” Wes shrugged. He had such huge shoulders. He must work out like every second.
“Well, come back in before Stacia has a heart attack. You know she’d blame me if you didn’t come back.”
I shurgged and headed back to the bowling alley. I gave a glance back to my car and shook me head.
The best thing about Wes is I have known him since I was 12. He has been in my classes since middle school so ther is none of this weirdness.
He gave me a big sisterly hug and I kissed his cheek.
“Shave before you make out with Stacia. Beard burn is no joke.”

We left around 1 am. Bowling was considerably less awkward once I downed a pitcher and a half of beer to myself. The goodbyes were awesome too. I think. I remember distinctly telling Lizzie we’d have to have a sleep over soon to discuss her moving down to Delaware to be my roommate. Oh yes. I was that drunk.
Stacia being the best friend she is took me home. She lives two blocks from my house so it only makes sense.
“Lizzie is kind of awesome,”I slurred in the back seat. Stacia laughed.
“She really isn’t so bad,” She said.
“I still hate her skinny ass.”
“Well, it IS skinny. At least mine is a lot plumper than hers. Right baby?” Wes shook his head.
“I love your ass but I wasn’t looking at hers. So there really is no comparison.”
“Good boy,” Stacia replied. I blearily looked at them from the small backseat of Wes’s 2010 Chevy Camero.
“Wes. I hate that you’re rich. I am just letting you know that right now in case you have no idea.”
Wes looked back at me since Stacia was driving.
“Please. I am not rich. I saved a shit ton of money for college and since I got a scholarship I didn’t need to use it for that so I got this gorgeous thing instead.”
“Oh thanks honey but you get the milk for free,”Stacia said.
I groaned. My stomach wasn’t cooperating.
“Are we almost there?”
“We’re on your street,” Stacia said. I looked around. So we were.
“I thank you guys for taking me home. I just worry about my car…”
“I told you. Me and Wes are going to go get it right now. I just wanted a partner to take you home just in case you were going to get sick,” Wes said.
“Your confidence in me is awesome.”
“Hey, I am just thinking of New Years last year,” Wes replied.
“Wes! That was like a whole bottle of Jager! Totally different.” I groaned agaain.
“Okay, let me out. I need to go to bed,” I said and gatherered my things.
“Can I have the keys to the car?” Stacia asked.
“Oh yeah… Let me get the house key off first.” I handed over the keys and looked up at my dark house.
“I love you guys. Thanks for putting up with me. Be nice to my car,” I said.
“Don’t worry. Get some sleep. We’ll put the keys underneath the mat,” Stacia said.
I waved goodbye and headed to my house.
Quietly, yet clumsily, I headed to the basement to my bed. It never looked more welcoming. I didn’t bother to toss on the lights. I used my cellphone to light the floor in front of me and took off my clothes. I slept usually with just a t shirt on so the pants were the first to go. I sat on my bed and sighed. I was going to have such a headache in the morning. I put my head down on my pillow and scooted to the middle of my bed only to collide with a body.
I gasped but I managed not to scream because I was scared nearly to death. I fell on the floor taking the lamp with me.
“What the hell,” the body said about the crash.
“Danny?” I asked. I put the lamp back on the stand and turned it on. Thank god it was metal. I looked down at Danny sitting up in my bed. He was still in his jeans and weezer t shirt from earlier but he wasn’t wearing shoes. How did I not hear him breathing. I had to be drunker than I thought.
“Danny, what are you doing here?” I asked. I realized I wasn’t wearing pants and hastily climbed into bed and under the covers to hide my bare legs. It was very silly since he already saw everything hours earlier.
“I couldn’t just go home and to bed without talking to you,” Danny said.
“Where is Lizzie?” I asked. I thought she was staying at his house.
“She left for PA. She has to work tomorrow. Remember, she told you that at the alley. They called her in.” I shook my head.
“Everything is a bit fuzzy from then Honestly. I haven’t drank that much in a long time.” Danny scooted closer to me but stayed above the covers.
“You and Liz got along well,’He said putting his arm around me. I scooted closer to fit in his nook.
“Yeah, I like her. Which makes this,” I said gesturing from him to me, “is even worse than I thought.” Danny did one of his amazing sighs that felt so weird because I was ON him. It was odd to be so close to a boy physically like this. Even after all we had been through earlier.
“I wanted to tell her we were done before she left,” he said.
“But you didn’t. Which makes me… not give a shit.” I scooted away from him but Danny somehow tackled me.
I was lying on my back staring into his blue eyes. They were so blue. I have looked into them several times before but to look at their blueness in this way. At this moment. I wanted to cry. I wanted to laugh.
I did neither though. We stayed in that position for a while. Our breathing even. Maybe even a little ragged on my part since he was on top of me. I wanted to say something but my thinking was foggy.
“What is it about you?”Danny said while getting the hair out of my face. It was a sweet gesture.
“My undeniable awesomeness?” I replied. He laughed. Mid laugh I kissed him. His mouth formed around mine and I just kissed him with no regards to Lizzie.
I looked at my drop down ceiling as he kissed me neck. The featherlight kisses that brought me to feeling these crazy tingles.

edit 4/3/11:
I was losing myself. Delia Port would never do this. Be an adulteress bitch to a sweet girl. Especially “Big” Deal. I let his kisses travel and as clutched the tufts of his long dark hair I felt myself rising above myself and losing myself to the darkness. Whether it be from bliss, guilt or the alcohol. I was gone.

When I awoke in the morning to the sounds of light breathing in my ear I felt incoherent for a few moments., I felt myself opening my eyes to the sight of sleeping Danny. I alwaus did like watching him sleep but I felt that bitter feeling in the pit of my stomach and I had to turn over. I felt myself succumb back to sleep and I dreamed of Lizzie finding us in bed together.

About an hour later I was awoken but light kisses on my face and neck.
“Mmm?” I said while trying not to breathe on his face.
“Hey.”
“Hey yourself.” I said while sitting up. I tried not to look at him. The dream was far too real and I felt so guilty.
“Deals.” I felt the tone in his voice. The tone that meant he KNEW I didn’t feel exactly kosher.
He cupped my face.
“I’ll call her today.” I nodded. The warmth from his hand made me smile. The intimacy of the gesture was better than anything else.
It was all so fucked. I shouldn’t be in this position but here I was.
Twenty minutes more of lying in bed I realized the real dillema of being 21 and living at home.
“How can I leave?” Danny asked.
“I have to sneak you out I guess,” I said while stifling a giggle.
“What’s so funny?” He asked with a wry grin.
“I never thought I’d be in this situation.” I said while laughing a little more.
He kissed my laughing mouth.
“Do the basement windows open?” he conspired.

Fifteen minutes later and three more kisses I was left alone in my empty bed. I got out of bed and decided to change my sheets for the week. I kept myself busy waiting for the promised call of Danny. The promise of Danny himself.
I went through the ritual of showering and getting dressed. Instead of slipping on an over sized sweater I slipped on one of my nicer plus size shirts. It was a light green top and I wore a white half jacket. I slipped on khaki flood pants and brown flip flops. I found myself actually putting on mascara and doing my hair. Lily didn’t know what to make of it. She instead squinted her eyes in suspicion. My mother took notice by saying; “Thank god.”
“So where are you going?” Lily asked.
“Not sure. Probably Stacia’s. I don’t know.”
Lily pursed her lips and said nothing.
I walked away before she made accusations.

12 thoughts on “my novel

  1. LOVER!!! I LOVE it!! I can’t wait to read what happens next with Miss Delia and Danny 🙂 Please print up the next chapter for me. Im reading the book before it’s published. You did a fantabulous job Sis, and I think that alot of Big girls will relate to y our story. JOB WELL DONE My love.

  2. I am working on it. I definitely want to age her up a bit. I have been working on this story since I was 18 so I defintely want to keep Delia closer to 21 than 18 so I’m working on it lol

  3. Please write more soon, I dont know a heavy woman out there that cant relate! Very well, written a few spelling(wrong word) mistakes, but great job!

    • Thanks! I definitely need to edit it. My problem was for awhile there I was using wordpress as my main word document and it is not fun to edit on here. I will definitely write more! Thanks for reading!

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