I don’t wanna mess this thing up No, I don’t wanna push too far


Things are really happening and sometimes I can’t wrap my head around it.
I am scared of opening up even though I over share so easily. I don’t want to. My mouth just runs away. I just believe in honesty and I’m not good at omitting what is on my mind. I’m really trying here.
I’m really trying hard not to be cynical and I’m trying hard not to be too hopeful. How does one have zero expectations when one has a night like I had last night? How? How can one have no hope that things may actually turn out well? Then with that hope comes my darkest fears creeping up to the surface. Will I always have doubt? Will I always second guess? When will I ever just BE? These opportunities are all so new to me. I am used to being spurned, I am used to rejection, I am used to being made fun of, I am used to being USED. I think when one utters the sentence; “I like how you are” it gets me feeling all kinds of crazy. Why do I consider myself so damaged and rad at the same time?
I guess I just have to give it time. That’s all you can do right?

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2 thoughts on “I don’t wanna mess this thing up No, I don’t wanna push too far

  1. Why are you ME!!? lol I think this may be my first time to comment. Long time lurker. I just want to c/p your entry today into my post bc I feel just as you do right now w/ a new boy friend.

    • Lol nothing wrong with lurker I’m glad you read my nonsense. Go head copy just quote me I don’t care lol. But the kid turned into a stage 5 clinger with serious self esteem issues and a bad attitude. Pretty sure he is a sociopath in the making.

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