I’m not supposed to be this upset. I’m not. But I am upset. When I am upset I am just the worst. Bright sides seem further away and I can’t take my own sage advice; you’re better than this. All I feel like doing is crying and it is so silly. So damn silly! This doesn’t matter. Just an insignificant chapter in my anthology not even my fucking novel. Feel me?
So. Coffee and my journal. Let’s become really close, okay?
“Because some days I can’t even trust myself.”
I hate that sometimes you feel like you can tell a person everything but their eyes glaze over and really they’re reworking it to bring it back to them.
I hate the I hurt myself the other night.
I hate that I just admitted it on here. The half moon circles in my arm are a fierce reminder that as much as I try to be okay I am not completely healed.
I just want to say that I am not self harming myself AGAIN. It was a one time occurrence that happened this weekend. It is NOT something I’m proud of. I used to do it a lot when I was seventeen and for this I am embarrassed. I don’t want to get to that point again.Ever. I love life way too much for me to harm myself. I am starting to really like myself… why regress? I need to stop putting blame on myself like I did something wrong. There are really a lot more guys out there. I’m starting to see that. I am… but really I need to get wholly right within. I can’t keep blaming myself for shit not going okay with dudes. I can’t. What am I ready for? I need a new catalyst for change.