I’m going to start awarding men I encounter with awards. The men who attempt to bed me and supposedly date me. Or the ones that just generally fuck me over.
There’s the Most Flattering Asshat award:
The one who tries to tell me how gorgeous I am and how surprising it is I’m single.
This guy… I encounter him far too often. He is just trying the have sex. 9 times out of 10. I meet. him at bars usually.
There is the Sweet Douchebag award
Similar to the most flattering asshat except he quickly turns really douchey when it is clear that no means no. No dude I will not go home with you. Thanks for the drink I didn’t ask you to buy. Get mad and tell all your friends now how the girl you thought would be an easy kill is a tease/prude/fat bitch… whatever. They say it because they’re severely butt hurt.
There is the Compulsive Liar award
Dude. Shut up. You don’t have to lie about every bit of bull shit. We aren’t dating. I liked you for five seconds and then found out you’re profoundly annoying. Stop lying and tell me you don’t like me. Make it easier for me.
The Egotistical Dangler Asshole award.
This type of guy I have encountered way too much. This one is also called as the thirsty ego stroker. He likes to give you tid bits. He likes to lead you on. He likes to keep you dangling. This dude. Oh man this guy will disappear from time to time just to text you when he’s drunk or feeling low and needs a boost. Just say a few sentences to keep you hooked so he feels good about his own pathetic ass. Eventually this guy gets a girlfriend to keep his ego stroked. Sometimes they’ll fight and there he comes out of the damn wood work after weeks of no word and you were starting the hope this asshole disappeared off the planet. This guy royally sucks. He can be a constant thorn in your damn side.
The “I’m not like that guy” guy.
The most recent offender. He is the one you really start to like. The one who doesn’t seem just about it but probably is all about it. Makes you feel special in all the right ways. Makes you think he is different and that wow maybe once in your whole life you met a genuinely sweet guy. That you’ll be able to hang out and introduce him to your friends. That’s the true test after all. If he gets along with your friends. This cherub of a fella he gets a very special award once he stops texting and making you question your stupid move. This guy makes you really wanna give up because you’ve been trying fruitlessly for years and were just starting to give up and then he gives you that glimmer of hope. That guy. This guy hurts the absolute most.
I have encountered such dude twice in life. Thanks dude.