I woke up full of hate today. Full of this anger that feels very misplaced. I’m impatient. I keep waiting for this magical turnaround when shit starts locking together.
What am I expecting when I have an unorganized mind? I can’t put into words what exactly i’m feeling right now. I am a scattered brained mess waiting for some kind of sign. Maybe my obscene amount of time I spend listening to The Black Keys have got me longing for something that isn’t there.
Little Dragon has made me hoping for Constant Surprises.
and most of all Alex Clare got me swooning in every way and I don’t have anyone to swoon with.
My passionate nature and my emotional soul… is meant to be shared with no one but myself?
Everything has stipulations. Can’t I just find someone totally brand new? I want no expectations and I have none except happiness. I expect to be happy. I know there are tons of shitty times in life but I am always looking for happiness and staying happy. I am no longer the girl who wants to slit her wrists but I am the girl who is fragile. Who can handle me with care when I look solid as a fucking ox? I resent my size. I resent my over grown heart. I feel like I am meant to be much smaller than I am. In height… in weight… I don’t feel like I’m very strong. I feel very weak. It’s moments like these I turn to my friends but I really should turn to myself. Find some kind of light with in me. I am just not sure where I’m going with this. What my next step will be. That’s the best part of life right?
I am certain I am nothing but uncertain.