we dance to free ourselves from the room


I usually don’t blog to blog’s sake. I like to have an idea in mind. Lately, I’ve been all over the friggin’ place. When I left Leslie in Nashville I was a little down. She’s one of my best friends. We literally talk everyday. I cannot imagine not talking to her every day. She gets me and I like to think I get her. We even have bestie necklaces to prove it haha.

I like to think the above picture sums up our awesome adventures. A random river in East Tennessee and us. I really can’t wait to go back which is in May to drive down to Alabama for the Hang Out music festival. Then in July i’m going to show her my home PHILLY and I guess Delaware (lol.) We’re going to see 311 and Soja together. We saw Trevor Hall when I was down there and damn is he a great musician. I guess we have to see live music every time we’re together. I can’t wait to see my friend Kelley(leslie’s cousin) again either because she’s awesome and we hardly spent any time together. That bums me out but she knows I love her!

Right now i’m exhausted. I went to zumba and of course I went super duper hard. I Am so concerned about my thighs and stomach. I feel so damn unattractive! I mean I finally made it to 100 pounds lost! Oh, I forgot to mention that I have now lost 102 pounds! One more pound and i’ll probably cry in elation of the number i’ll be under. I’ll be under 300 pounds! To think this time last year I was sitting at 402-412 pounds.
There are days when I feel it. Like when I wear the jeans I wore my senior year of high school. I am down four sizes. I would be down more if it wasn’t for my fucking belly. The fact that I can wear jeans at all is a damn achievement. I was wearing stretchy pants only for a long time.
But my gut is getting to me. The stretch marks sicken me. The extra skin makes me want to vom. I know I am very successful to reach 100 pounds down in just 7 months but it is still mentally cray to compute it! I still feel unattractive because i’m sitting at the big three. I don’t want the false compliments and bull shit. I don’t want to think it’s bull shit either. Or some sort of ploy. But I digress on that one.
I’m just saying I probably get into some sort of therapy for my body issues. I also have to stay on task with my protein and liquids. So i’m spent. Blogging spent. I am seeing Wild Flag tomorrow!

recognize Carrie mother fucking Brownstein from Portlandia!? I am so excited to see them tomorrow. I have listened to them for a few months now never friggin new the lead singer was Carrie Brownstein! Now I’ll be seeing her tomorrow in person. So with that I bid ya adieu!

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One thought on “we dance to free ourselves from the room

  1. If it weren’t for the internet, we wouldn’t have met these awesome people. I know exactly what you mean, because I have same connection with Dan. I was devastated when I left Australia, and again when we left him in NYC. You get so used to having them around, and then when you’re separated, it feels like there’s this void even though you’re still in touch every day. But, it’s awesome that you’re able to catch up more with her this year. At least its easier, because Leslie lives closer and everything, where Dan lives on the other side of this world. I’m stoked to meet Leslie. I definitely want to join y’all in Philly. We’ve gotta take her to Border Cafe and get some Tony Lukes. Haha.

    I’m so proud of you and the weight loss. Keep it up. You’re looking amazing!

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