I make shit happen. I make it happen. I know there are not all aspects in my life that are in order but I have made tremendous steps to get myself in the right direction. Save my life by getting bariatric surgery? Check. Follow the rules and lose 83 pounds? Absolutely. Lose 100 more and be the healthiest weight I’ve been in since I was 13? It’ll happen this year. BECAUSE I MAKE SHIT HAPPEN. I will not be a victim anymore. I am going to find my strength. I am going to find the woman thats in there and so help any one that stands in my way. I am very serious. No more negativity. I am so over it. It’s SO 2011. I will not wallow in past pain but use the pain, the rejection, the abuse as a catalyst for change. Forget guys and focus on ME. I will be mildly selfish. I will get it done. I will get a car by March. I wil have my debts paid off by my birthday. I will get my ass in gear to love myself so whole heartedly that I’ll need to get a room. Okay, that was weird. But seriously instead of focusing so much on the fact that I am alone I should focus on just getting hot for myself. Feeling sexy and owning the hell out of it. I won’t ever be a size under 9/10, nor do I want to be, but to own the healthy weight I am supposed to be and enjoy the ever living shit out of it. I have 17 pounds to go before I am finally at my first 100 pounds lost. Why will I let some DUDE define me as a woman? Just because they don’t want ME doesn’t make my accomplishments any less amazing. I am a beautiful woman whether the guys I like think so or not. I probably am not their cup of tea and that really is okay. It has to be okay because there HAS to be someone out there that will compliment my craziness and find me beautiful no matter what weight I am. That is a true man. So what if I haven’t met anyone bold enough, brave enough, MAN enough… and maybe I haven’t been ready for whatHAS come my way. I will be. I am being no nonesense and you’re either with it or you’re not. I have been working on my stronger self since April of this year when I decided to get my ass in gear to lose the weight. Let me continue my pursuit of happiness as I head into 2012. Let me raise my head high and be proud. Take all the compliments in stride and KNOW they’re right. Can you believe I answer some compliments with ” yeah, but I have so much more to lose?” Ridiculousness.That will stop. I’m not saying I am going to be cocky I am just going to start giving myself some freaking credit. I will stop being so hard on myself. I will continue to work hard on bettering myself as a whole person and take risks and not look back at shoulda coulda woulda. Are you with me?