You gotta have faith

Sometimes I am filled with such self doubt. I don’t mean to be. But I am. I get the moments where I hate the sound of my own voice. Deep alto that’s mixed some kind of nasally grossness. I feel like talking in my “phone” voice the majority of the time so new people won’t hear my REAL voice. My alter ego at work I guess. It’s frustrating. Me and my sister both sound the same in this respect. The tone, i’m sure, I can’t update. The nasally sound? I’m going to my doctor December 30 for my physical and I’m gonig to bring it up. I want to get tested for allergies because I know there’s something wrong. I shouldn’t sound congested even when I’m not.

I hate the moments of self doubt because you can really only can count on yourself when times get really rough. I hate when I get like that.I get to the point where I’m just like are they making fun of me? Are they saying you look good, you sing well, you’ve lost a lot of weight because they pity me? It’s horrible to feel that way and I try very hard to NOT be that way. I don’t want to be my own worst enemy. I preach to everyone to believe in themselves. I always say if you don’t like something change it. Don’t wallow. I am trying to hard to be that woman and as I get older those insecure days are getting few and far between. I want them off my calender completely. I shouldn’t feel like my own friends are just being nice! I need to remind myself that i’m frickin’ awesome. I should NOT gage myself on gentlemen callers . (heh that always makes me LOL). I should gage myself on how I feel. How I’m doing. It’s getting easier, like I said. I look at what’s happened to me lately (losing my phone aside) and a lot of good has come about. I have gotten healthier, I have started to become more responsible with my bills, and i’ve procured this second job on my own. Sephora isn’t easy to get into either so I should definitely be proud. Only I and another girl were hired in a set of group interviews they did. I am fortunate. I need to stop doubting myself. I am not at goal weight yet at all but I am at a great start. I should believe people when they compliment me. I should have faith in myself. So this entry is my own kick in the ass to stop OWRRYING about other people and focus on how I feel. The rest of it will fall into place. Meeting someone will come into place. I gotta keep the faith.



One thought on “You gotta have faith

  1. I have those moments a lot. And, like you, I’m always trying to help others, and tell others the same exact things that I’m currently struggling with, although I should practice what I preach. It takes a lot to love yourself and look past your self doubt, and things like this take time. I know that for sure. Story of my life. And, you’re on a positive track girlfraaan, keep up the fabulous work. I’m so proud of you x

    I don’t think a lot of us like our own voices. It’s hear myself and it doesn’t sound too bad, but when I hear it played back on a recording or video, I cringe, because that’s not what I hear when I listen to myself speak (as I’m speaking). Does that make sense? And, lately, since I’ve been out of work, I feel like I’ve forgotten how to talk, since I barely talk to anyone anymore LOL. When you work a lot, as you know, you develop “that voice”, and I’ve obviously failed in that aspect. I’ve been stutter central lately. HAHA. When I used to answer the phone, a lot of people told me that I sounded like a kid, and they couldn’t take me very seriously, which is why I’m kind of skeptical about working in a call center, because I don’t quite think that I have the “voice” for it?

    Anywho, it was good to see you last night chick. You’re looking amazing so far, and I’m proud of you. Not to mention, dance central kicked my ass. My body is actually sore (proves that I haven’t been active lately). Haha.

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