I like being happy. I like going forward with plans that have a positive impact. I try not to wallow. I’ve been a wallower. I’m becoming a DOER..
I have been the uber emo. I have. From seventeen til about 20ish I would just see the glass half empty. “Shit’s never gonna get better” came out of my mouth like every day. I used to cut in high school as it is the RAGE at that age. I wanted to die at one point. I was in a facility for almost a month because I was a danger to myself. I failed my senior year because of my despair. Because I couldn’t find happy in shit.
After I turned 20 I had my bad days. I have had them recently too. But they are as rare as cheap and cute plus size costumes. (What i have been looking for all friggin’ evening)
Since I completed my sleeve gastrectomy I have been so much happier. People can see it. I may not be near goal weight yet but I am so excited that a healthy weight is close to my horizon. I have tons of work a head of me still but I am so excited for what life has to offer. I wish more people would see that.
There are so many people who are going through so much worse. I wish people would just buck up and just chill out. I love the it get’s better videos on you tube. I think every individual who gets down should watch them. You don’t have to be LGBT. They’re for everyone! I am trying my best to get my shit together. I’m working on getting fiscally, physically, and mentally together. Some times doing best for me is saying good bye to those who negatively affect you. I just don’t have much room for the bull shit anymore. I have been wronged in the past and I have forgiven but you know the saying “fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me.” This time I will not be as lenient.What’s that internet thing I see a lot? oh yeah: *kanye shrug*. (I guess its because Kanye West just doesn’t give a fuck.) I have learned a lot of peoples true identities in the past year.
I want to add that I appreciate all that have stuck by me and continue to support me. Things are going to change. People notice the change in me already and it isn’t just that my clothes are starting to hang off of me. They are starting to see the fire in my that was almost put out once I moved to Delaware. I have added lighter fluid to that fire and it’s going to burn even more with each day. Will you be suffocated by the smoke or will you be inspired to burn one of your own?
I’m at a crossroads. There was this fantastic quote my luv Violet retweeted earlier:
If you keep going down the same paths, you’ll keep arriving at the same destinations! Choose a more risky route!
We can’t keep doing shit the same way thinking that something is going to be magically different. That something’s going to change.
I’m making the changes. Are you guys with me on this?
My point is this (if I haven’t made myself clear because this post is so convoluted as per usual):
Life is too short to be standing in the back looking around. It’s too short. You gotta make a move or your gonna miss out. Yes, I just paraphrased Jimmy Eat World’s A Praise Chorus. Because that song is one of the greats and they’re so right. Besides;
I wanna fall in love tonight