I strive to be a better example. Just someone people can say, hey, I like her ways let me emulate them.
I don’t want to be idolized just seen as a good person.
I have my own head to myself every friggin’ day. It has become very important for me to try and calm down and just SMILE. I used to be such a nervous chica worried about what EVERYONE thought of me. Sure, that still happens from time to time but I am starting to just be like look i’m doing me and getting better. Does this contrast with the previous statement of being seen as a good person?
That is a distinct possibility. But that’s me for ya.
I just think its so important to just woosah your way through the hard parts and say, as my friend Thuglyfe would; “Fuck it. You’re walking around. You’re wearing the clothes. If they don’t like it they don’t have to look so if they’re talking shit THEY’RE the ones insecure and they’re just haters.” Thuglyfe is a very wise friend. I took that thought into mind all last night. While I was at this bar last night watching open mic night (and contemplating singing killing me softly there next one) these two broads were CLEARLY talking shit about me. This was not paranoia folks. One would look at me and then whisper to her friend and then the friend would look at me and sneer. I do not know what causes these broads to just HATE so bad. I wasn’t dressed to the nines as they tried to. I was just having a great time with my homies. I don’t UNDERSTAND some females. Even with my insecurities I don’t pick out women to bash with my friends unless they’re being an asshole and I am just stating the obvious. So, I tried to take Thugs advice but the anger still tried to kick in and I wanted to go over to them and bash their heads into the bar but I did not. (I’m thinking of kick boxing classes to help with this aggression.) They ended up leaving so no head bashing occurred. I was just proud I didn’t get sad or depressed. I think anger can be a more positive emotion. It’s still unnecessary energy on just peons who are, in the end, just miserable with themselves.
I am trying so hard to be my own person. I wonder if i’m becoming selfish and that I won’t be able to share.
I want to share with people I won’t be able to share with and that’s a problem in itself.
On happier notes:
My pants are all ridiculous on me. My jeans I couldn’t fit in the beginning of this year are comically huge. What sucks is my belly is still large so they hold up at the waist but the legs balloon out. Here’s a side by side of proven results which is helping me feel so good about this and proves that I lost weight:
the photo on the left was from the end of July. The one on the right from September 15th. The one on the left is even that “flattering” angle of being held up high! That alone is helping me go forward and stay strong. It makes it easier. It makes me realize that even though I have to buy new pants right now thats because i’m getting healthier. I am so happy and I think people are seeing that. Unhappy people hate happy people.
So cheers to the haters 🙂