another night another dream but always you. It’s like a vision of love that seems to be true.

I created one of those ticker things online for a sleeve forum for tracking my weight loss. I was in shock to find out since April/May I have lost 52 pounds. That’s the most weight I have lost in my entire life. I can’t believe it. I still have roughly 160 pounds to go but THAT is a huge accomplishment. I don’t feel so hot sometimes though. I’m not begging for compliments but when people say you look so good I’m like really? I just see how much I have to lose. I know this is a poor attitude, and I should celebrate my loss, but I just get mad. Like why did I let myself get so big that I have so far to go? On another note I don’t know why I still like people who don’t like me. its so high school. SO HIGH SCHOOL. Why do I want people who expressed over 6 years ago, when I was thinner mind you, that they didn’t want me. It’s foolish. I think i’m hanging out to this guy in my head because I don’t know many guys. I am gaining my confidence but my self esteem was so low its not a huge improvement. It’s just I have been SLAMMED before by guys I thought were good guys. Torn apart bit by bit. I know other women have been there done that but my sensitivity is such a curse. So is my good memory for bad shit. I ahve never had a boyfriend. Never been on a date.I have had drunken stupid hook ups (that did NOT include sex) but that’s it. I am an innocent 24 year old ; ). Things could be worse I know. I could have been saddled with one of those douchebags only for them to use me and abuse me. I guess everything happens for a reason. I guess I’m lucky in a way. I do wish I had more experience with guys just to really figure out how a guy works. I have had guy friends and I have seen my friends and THEIR boyfriends but I never experienced a relationship. I’m sure I can adapt though. I’m a fast learner : ). I think I need to get out of Delaware. The pickins are so slim here. I think we’re too close to the Jersey Shore ha ha.


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