Let me be completely honest. I am on an emotional roller coaster. I am at my week mark for my surgery and I am looking at blogs and sites where people got the same procedure as me. I was very upset to see that this one woman only went from a size 26 to a 22 in a year. I hope to be at like a 16 in a year! Granted, this woman was in her forties when she had her procedure and did not exercise. (She said it on her blog I didn’t assume.) I am 23 and I have already started exercising. I don’t plan on stopping. Granted dancing out to Gaga is not like formal ass exercise but it is definitely movement at one week post op. I think I am just petrified of failing. I feel like I have pressure to succeed and lose 200 pounds in like 6 months. I don’t want to be setting myself up for failure and I think I just need to stay positive. I refuse to fail. Being fat has been my downfall for so long. It has ruined my self esteem, love life, social life, and love for fashion. I know getting the gastric sleeve was the right choice. I do. I had a long discussion with my surgeon, plus he said if needed he can turn the sleeve into the bypass! Here is a good site that shows the comparision of the two surgeries, bypass and sleeve, side by side. Bypass only has a wee bit more of percentage of weight loss. I gotta keep my head up but sometimes I just freak out. Maybe being home and not being able to call any one does that. I sure as hell don’t want to talk to people from Detroit right now (my job) but I wish I was strong enough to go to the mall or something. I went to Borders the bookstore yesterday since it’s their last week. I bought 70 bucks worth of books and cds. I bought presents for my mom too so it wasn’t all for me and everything was dirt cheap.For example; I paid a 1.50 for Portia De Rossi’s book Unbearable Lightness hardcover! It was great to get out of the house. Amazing, in fact. But I did over do it carrying so many heavy books I got winded for a bit there. Since I can’t drive right now my mom was there but she was in another section. I should have stayed close and asked her to help me, which I did… eventually. I don’t know. My thoughts are so spastic sometimes. I just don’t want to fail so I am going to refuse to fail. Simple as that I guess. I just have a lot of people saying i’m so brave for getting this surgery and that I’m an inspiration. I don’t feel like that at all. I feel… like a fat girl desperately trying to get healthy and happy.