And I’m not sleeping now the dark is too hard to beat And I’m not keeping now the strength I need to push me

The world is a funny place. I am barely scratching the surface. I’m not satisfied with the surface. I want to go deeper and get to the core. I want to feel the heat. Whether it burns me or not that’s my journey for ya.
I am delving into my soul right now because I am trying to really get to the root of what I want. I know that I am not there yet. I know that self actualization hasn’t settled me yet. I am taking the right steps to be the woman I know I can be. I am not desiring marriage and babies- not now. I am desiring a true adventure of the world. I need to meet new people not from Delaware. I want to reach outside this box. I am determined to perfect my Spanish and really get to travelling. I am young. I need to stop thinking that time is speeding by and I am just riding along.
I need to stick up for myself more. I need to fight. I need to stop over explaining. But it frustrates me that people don’t get it. I am… complex. I am. But I don’t mean to be. I just haven’t had the proper chance to really shine. I want an adventure. I want the world. Is it wrong that I am depending on this surgery to assist me in this change? That I figure August 31st to be my catalyst? That that date will be my rebirth? I am just thinking out loud as I always do. I just feel sometimes that I don’t belong here. Not living of course but I mean WHERE I live. I feel, with no pun intended, bigger than this. Is that fucked up?
PS. Saw Harry Potter and the deathly hallows 2 this weekend. It rocked my world and I can’t believe its over. Harry helped me a lot during my 11 year life here. He was my comfort when kids picked on me when I first moved here. So with the movie the series truly comes to a close. It was amazing and it was magical. So Now I will watch True Blood then off to sleep I go.


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