Let’s hear for America’s Sweethearts… I must confess I’m in love with my own sins(not really)

When you say good bye to anyone it can be hard. Endings… sometimes can be so difficult. Maybe I knew it was around me all along. Some people I considered family just not willing to put the effort into giving a shit about me. I am one of those people who likes to hold people near and dear to me. A lot of the time it can be the wrong people. Why is it so hard for me to END IT? Why do I harbor on the past and the good ol’ days. Why can’T I face facts that some people are toxic. There have been many circumstances where i’ve been left to dry yet some people will circle around the very few instances that i’ve messed up or had other obligations. I wish I could be an asshole and just point out every bull shit thing they’ve done wrong and may be people could take a good hard look at themselves. Yeah, I admit every fuck up I have ever done. When I was 20? I had too much to drink at a person I knows apartment. I had taken it upon myself to drive and I was not able to drive. I was well impaired blowing a .12 after I wrecked my car. I admit that to be the worst thing I have ever done in my life. I could have killed someone and I have learned from the mistake.
You wanna know what else I’ve done in my life? I have experimented with drugs. Was it the hard stuff? Nah, and those days are wayyy behind me.
I have apparently kissed a guy that had a girlfriend by accident because I was drunk and he didn’t stop me. I have stolen before when I was a kid. But that’s pretty much all i have ever really done truly terrible in my life. I have never been in a committed relationship and cheated on anyone. I have lied before but who hasn’t? I have learned that I am not a terrible person but I have done shitty things but I am not a bad person. I don’t do these things consistently and there is nothing I have done in the past year that I ashamed of except gain a bunch of weight.
I have had these sick feelings that there are people I know who do not want to be seen out and about with me. I really think that I have people like that in my life. Or they’re trying to escape my life. Whatever. I have voiced my thoughts to them aloud and they have refused to respond. So I’m saying good bye to them. It hurts me to do this but why keep trying when they never try back? I say adieu to those who are ashamed of what I look like. TO the ones who are sticking with me pre op and post op. You’re the ones I trust. The rest? I bid adieu like I say.


4 thoughts on “Let’s hear for America’s Sweethearts… I must confess I’m in love with my own sins(not really)

    • thanks jen I appreciate it. lol it’s like I know hilberts your last name but it wasn’t until I read cousin Jen did I figure it out lol I really appreciate it. I love you too.

  1. The age old saying “misery loves company” is true. Those people who put other people down, talk about them behind their backs and just bring nastiness into others lives, those people are the ones with real problems. They are lacking something that keeps them from just begin happy.

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