Every word’s a new regret if you say it right, right?

I have had this sinus infection/ ear infection p.o.s. for the past week and a half. It sucks. The latest symptom? Both of my ears are so full of liquid I can barely hear anything. The medication i’m on makes me sleepy and I swear it has gotten my ears worse. They’re starting to bubble which is weird. The worst part of me being sick is the fact I can’t sing. I love to sing. I love to sing in the shower. I love to sing at my cubicle to calm me down after I’ve had a tough call. I love to sing. My secret desire? To be doing my random singing bit and a stranger walks by me and they’re all like “Miss! We need you to be a back up singer for Michelle Branch/Adele/Pink asap!” and i’m all deuces to my desk job and following my dream. ; ) Oh to dream. I am one of those impatient fools. I am one of those fools that believes that my life is slipping away and I’m wasting it by being sick. Another weekend wasted sleeping? Gah! No fun! I feel like crying right now and I’m not sure why. If you’ve read my posts before you know I am brutally honest about how I am feeling so don’t be surprised when I come out with those ninja like crying comments. This post is just to keep me sane as all of my brother and sisters go out to something we have around here called Newark night. It’s on this cute little street called Main street that has a bunch of local businesses. They close it down to cars so it’s just pedestrians. There are usually specials and junk. I have never been so I couldn’t tell you much else. But where was I with this?
Oh yeah, I wanted to get out. I am not a homebody. I live at home with my parents and four brother and sisters. I share a bedroom at 23 years old. Shit is not ideal. Maybe if I had my own place I would be all about being home. I am an extrovert by nature anyway. I don’t think i’d be in love with the idea of just staying home. I’d be afraid i’m missing something. So I’ve been trying to work on my novel and I think it’s just a hot mess. Maybe because I haven’t kissed someone (sober) in a long time that I can’t remember what it’s like? To be skin to skin? To describe it eloquently is failing me. They say write what you know and I don’t know that. It’s been so long. I know the feeling of lust I guess. I am going to try because I want to finish it before my surgery. It’s only like 39 pages in word right now so it’s hardly a book but i’m working on it. Until later..


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