my kinds your kind- i’ll stay the same


Today is Easter so for all of my Easter celebrating peoples happy Easter. Today is sooo gorgeous. I feel hopeful today. Like even though I wasn’t so great this weekend with eating I wasn’t so bad either. I danced my ass off last night and it was wonderful. It was so hot but I kept it moving. Weekends go by so fast. It is so annoying how it just flies by and its like oh yeah work on Monday. Grr. The gym is closed today otherwise i’d totally be there. I usually go to the gym Sunday, Wednesday and Thursday. I also go to personal training on Monday. So I have a plan this week. I can’t believe it is basically May and I’m still the same. I hate that time goes by so fast and I feel like a total loser because I haven’t done anything about my weight really.
I keep going back to gastric bypass. I have a fellow blogger, Jen, who had it done and I just don’t think I’m responsible enough for it. As much as I want to be a healthier weight she has to be very careful about what she eats otherwise she get sick. I don’t think i’d enjoy being so restricted even though I NEED to. I feel like I need room for error for let’s say my birthday. If I can’t get a handle on my eating right now how will I be able to eat with a small pouch? Today i’m going to be utilizing ground turkey with whole wheat spaghetti for my lunches this week. I am a little broke so I have to be frugal like that. Not that there is anything wrong with packing I definitely need to do it more often.

On another more personal note. I tihnk I don’t trust men in the least. My dad is a great guy to my mother and there are a very few of my friends who have great men in their lives too. But I keep going back to the bad. I have seen violence, I have seen addiction, I have seen the way they cheat perpetually. Having dual lives and everything. I can’t turn a blind eye to that. I also think I am more susceptible to having a bad relationship because of my weight. Because of my physical appearance I would just be getting a guy who could be easily tempted to cheat. Not cool to think this way I know. I am such a mess. I am trying to keep these images in my head so I can stop worrying about stupid guys. Let me worry about what I would have accessible to me if I lose the weight:


I am a sucker for a gorgeous pencil skirt and to rock some sexy ass heels!

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