Tell me darlin true What am I to you

Gah! Why is money the root of all evil? Or lack there of? I am a terrible bugetER. I really, truly, am. I fail at managing money. Plus I have a part time job at a supermarket. I make shit and I haven’t stumbled on anything else. I may have mentioned before I had a phone interview the other day but no call back and now my phone is turned off due to the fact I don’t have the money to pay it. Nothing really new honestly. My parents are uber stressed about money too and I want to help but how can I help when I can’t even help myself?
I always thought at 22 I would be more together but I am such a mess. I haven’t lost enough weight (as a matter of fact this weekend I royally fucked up but I plan on starting back over tomorrow HXC), I have a really crappy job I hate, I am single, single, single, I still live at home, I don’t have a car, and I have zero money. Good things I do have a degree in medical assisting, good friends, good family, and a smiling attitude (sometimes).
The Friday that just passed I think I made a drunken fool of myself. I am such a light weight and I drank a shit load of alcohol. Man, the points I racked up on that night. *shudders*. But I had a great time. I really did. If I looked like an idiot asshole so be it. I had fun and I think that’s the point. I just have to rectify my eating mistakes tomorrow. I was all uber depressedoid yesterday and today so I consumed nastiness and counted nothing. I have a bunch of ‘ritos and a can of chef boyardee.
Told ya I’d be infinitely honest. I am such a wretch but I think I am a fixable broken girl. I just need to see the light at the end of the tunnel instead of being such a goddamned wallower. I wallow about what I lack and the bad crap I have done. I feel like I am drowning. I hate that feeling. I hate being helpless and dependant on others and that’s what I am; a dependent.
Gah! I need to finish my novel. I have been working on this shit since I was 17 or so. To check out the tentative beginning click here. I think I may tweak a bit. Like the ages. I started this story when I was seventeen so 19 seemed a good age to start with. I have to finish this story! Maybe I can get it published if I tweak it correctly. I don’t know. I have such self doubt. I have such a long way to go for self actualization. I just wanna go away for awhile and not look back. Okay random ass blog but there it was.


5 thoughts on “Tell me darlin true What am I to you

  1. I do believe that you have the right idea. You have a lot more than what you give yourself credit for. There are lots of people who don’t even have degrees. I think for the most part, it’s a matter of keeping your confidence up to utilize what you have. I think that you have the attitude for it, just keep pushing yourself and I’m sure things will work themselves out.

  2. Good things happen to those who wait. You can do it girl. I have my faith in you.

    I’m just curious if the option for full time is available at PM for you? I know they’ve asked my Mom on several occasions, but she turned it down for whatever reason. Would have been a good opportunity for her to make more money, and help my Dad out a little more, since he has to pull his chains for her laziness. LOL.

    Hope you’re ready to party big in two weeks. We’re going to have a blast! ❤

    • the big pm isnt down to give me full time i think if they did give me full time i would punch myself in the face for taking it. haha gwens coming to the party too so itll be fun!

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