hopelessly hopeful


I am in tears right now and I can’t help it. I hate feeling this way; like I won’t make it. Like there is nothing for me. I have been searching and searching for a job for the past six months and all I have come up with is nothing but rejection after rejection.
Like these:

Thank you for your interest in Bayada Nurses. At this time, we are not able to offer you a position.

We wish you success in future endeavors.

Very truly yours,

Bayada Nurses Willow Grove Staffing

Thank you for your interest in the position CLIN SUPPORT ASSOC – SATS at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia (Requisition Number: 10-20323). At this time, we are reviewing candidates whose qualifications more closely match our current needs.

Please continue to explore other employment opportunities at the Hospital.

#58 – EX-UNC

Dear Krystal,

Thank you for your interest in Bravo Health’s Health Services Assistant, Concurrent Review position.

We are fortunate to have many qualified candidates apply to each of our positions. Although your background and qualifications are impressive, we have determined that the credentials of other candidates may better fit our needs at this time.

We will keep your resume on file for future opportunities with Bravo Health, and wish you much success in your job search.

Sincerely,
Bravo Health Recruitment

&& those were just fromt today and it is only 10:30 a.m. I am frustrated to the point of depression. I don’t feel like doing anything. I don’t want to leave the house unless it’s for work. I am about to cancel my plans for tomorrow because I simply don’t have enough money. I am aching. The job board at my school website is basically no help because that is where I am getting these rejection emails from. I hate living like I won’t be able to make it. That I may have to just settle for a job I hate because ” that is life.” Right now I can’t even find a job I hate. The only thing I have been coming up with is wawa. WAWA! That was the job that nearly killed me for the abuse I had to put up with and I am thinking about going back to that. Am I crazy? Do I really need money so badly? Yes. I am a dead weight at my parents house because I can’t afford anything! I went to lush the other day and spent just ten dollars and now I feel very guilty for doing that but I needed a pick me up badly!
Another thing I am upset about is I was supposed to get a car today from my uncle but it is looking like that isn’t happening either. I was going to give him two hundred dollars today and fifty next week. My plan was to get another job, practice driving it (it’s stick), and then get insurance. If I got the car today there is no way I can be up and driving this month I’d have to wait until I get a better or secondary income. It looks like THAT isn’t happening. Today I am going to have to just print out two resumes, multiple copies, one for retail and one for medical assisting, and hand them out. I must not feel hopeless but I am on the brink. Please pray for me. I need to get out of my parents house, I NEED to give them money, I need to get this car thing rolling, I need money! Who ever said money can’t buy happiness is a damned liar and a half!

What I am so concerned about is not making it. The world ending or something and this i s what I have to show for myself. CRAP! Nothing nothing nothing big fat NOTHING! A 22 year old loser who lives with her parents working at a supermarket. big wow!

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5 thoughts on “hopelessly hopeful

  1. Hey… I have an idea… it might be difficult at first without the car and it would take a little more time … but what if you volunteered for a little at a hospital or somewhere of the sort so you could have some experience (which is amazing on a resume!!) and then whoever your volunteering for may hire you or you could use that experience toward finding a job elsewhere.

  2. i wish i could afford volunteering but i cant. i am struggling as it is and to cut my availability from pathmark even less id be screwed even worse.

    • Hey mama,
      I have been reading your blogs and just let me tell u that u are not a low life nor a loser. I am 27 and I live with my hubby’s parents. I am unemployed and uneducated, yes a high school drop out, but for the last year I have taken myself out of the ” I HATE MYSELF MODE” and focused on the future. Being fat is a downer now a days and im a double actually triple negative, Fat hispanic and black, but I still get the strength to move forward in life. I do not in anyway pay attention to anyone and their negative remarks. I could careless because at the end of the day they dont do shit for me. I know a couple jobs that are hiring. My hubby is allowing me to finish getting my diploma before I get a job but I am still looking for a Part time so maybe we can run out together. Also u need to apply at the Temp agencies. I have a coupe numbers for ya. Stay focused girl and DONT MAKE ME COME DRAG U OUT THE HOUSE AND CHEER YOU UP. LOL It’ll be ok life gets better
      Toya

  3. Do you know how many 22 year old have no idea what the hell theyre gonna do for the rest of their lives? Most of them. This is reality…you are young and living at home and being confused is normal. Dont be so hard on yourself.

    I will be 24 this August, and..I still do not have a stable job. Snagging a job isnt easy right now..for anyone.

    Everything evolves…everything falls into place.

    • yeah I dont know if you saw on twitter the other day but I do have a second “interview” for this place on thursday. It’s just a typing test and customer service quiz so I hope I pass and get this job. It’s supposed to be a really good job. It’s customer service but at a healthcare center. So maybe the universe is coming together!

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